A much better day in Juggling with Hedgehogs

Since sending the email, and receiving his reply agreeing to all my terms, I've felt a sense of peace. I've had a long chat with my son, who now is starting to see things a little more from my side, having seen the way my husband has been towards me over the past couple of weeks. He has told me he will help me get the house straightened out for if I have to sell it or rent it, and will basically support me all he can. This is a huge relief after his initial reaction which cut me so deeply when I was already struggling just to survive the shock of all this.

I've been out this afternoon meeting a group of local people who have regular gatherings and social events. Very nice, friendly people who get together for meals, gigs, coffee mornings and other things. It's been a fascinating afternoon, the conversation was (oh my god I can hardly believe this bit) intelligent and fun, and I felt accepted, which was really lovely. It got me out for a few hours, and since sending my email, my husband has been keeping out of the way as well. I suspect I will see very little of him from now on, which is just how I like it. At least I won't have to watch him eat - funny, I spoke to my son about that and he agreed that it's completely disgusting the noise he makes. It's also funny how these habits come to the fore and annoy you more when you start to a view a person through different eyes - as my son said 'mum, love is blind'. Too true.

So I'm switching off all my feelings for him one by one. I have no doubt I will have times when happy memories cause me pain, because there have been a lot of them, but there have also been some terrible times, and this recent couple of weeks have been truly awful. I can honestly say I won't ever forgive him for some of the things he's said to me.

So now it's a case of onward, best foot forward, and hope for the bloody best.