January 3, 2021 in In My World

To absolutely no ones surprise, I slept until noon again today. I tried to wake myself up before then but I honestly just needed the sleep.

I woke up to a text from my boss saying that I had to come in tomorrow instead of the 11th. My anxiety spiked and I pretty much completely shut down. I played minimal dungeon rpg and didn’t leave my bed until 4pm. I got up, ate dinner, took my pills, drank a bang, and did a few various things on my laptop but that was about it until around 6. I made my bed which consisted of pushing the top mattress back into the corner and rearranging all the pillows and stuffies that got moved over the last couple weeks. Then I set all the blankets up, folded Protector’s blue blanket, and folded over the top of the blankets. I also set up my January calendar in my premade planner while I was on the phone with MW. We talked about a lot of things. He doesn’t remember too much of our conversation last night because he was drunk so I spent some time reminding him what we talked about and then we just kept talking about various things. I told him about the Jupiter, Saturn, Pluto-should- be-a-planet conversation with F and he said he really liked hearing about it and that he’s glad she agrees that it is a planet. I think he forgets sometimes to listen to what they’re saying to him, but I get it. It’s hard to be busy all the time and also listen intently to children’s conversations. She seems to be opening up to me a lot more which is nice. I asked him if she always asks to sleep in his bed or if it’s only on the nights that I’m there past her bedtime. He said she asks more consistently when I’m there than when I’m not. I think she’s finding comfort in me and that means the absolute world to me. I really care for those two, independently of the fact that they’re his. I was giving him a lot of shit for being too drunk to remember our conversation and he was telling me about a conversation he’d had with DG earlier. At some point in the conversation he asked me a question and then was like “I don’t know where that came from” and we both were laughing about it. He also kept talking about the Unicorn and how it made him feel like he couldn’t move (in a good way) and that he didn’t know if it was because it’s weighted or because he got it from me. It was cute. We talked about Valentines day and why I hate it. He hates February also for some of the same reasons and some he wouldn’t mention. If I had to guess, I’d say he has more trauma around that month that he hasn’t told me yet. Anyway, he fell asleep on me around 12:40. I got ready for bed shortly there after but by the time I actually laid down it was like 1:20 something (Whatever time I posted the first Jan 3 entry.).

Oh, also, I had to wake Protector up to look at Texas’s hind leg because he’s been chewing on it a lot. As far as we can tell there’s nothing wrong, though. Weird-ass dog.

I am grateful for:

1.) Waking up another day
2.) Protector for talking to me through the anxious even though he was in his own angry mood bubble.
3.) Bang energy.
4.) Blue for rolling his gigantic self around my lap and being extra snuggly
5.) All of my various creatures for their own quirks, personalities, and the things they’ve taught me.
6.) A warm bed and comfy blankets.
7.) MW for talking to me through some of the worst of my anxiety and for making me laugh at all the dumb shit.
8.) Streaks on snapchat.
9.) Good dinner (beef roast, mashed potatoes, and Brussel sprouts)
10.) Going back to work despite how inconvenient of a time it is for me.

Good/Happy/Positive/Surprising things that happened today:

1.) Protector talking to me about what’s going on with him.
2.) Video chatting with my nephew. He snubbed my mom and smiled at me though haha. Little stinker.
3.) I got out of bed despite really REALLY not wanting to.
4.) Hanging out with mom for a little while
5.) Having a (short) conversation with Peach and hopefully making plans to hang out later this week
6.) Blue rolling around my lap and trying to nom my hand
7.) Grandma fixing the doll bunk bed we got for Protector’s niece
8.) I beat minimal dungeon RPG
9.) Protector giving me head pats for accomplishing things
10.) Protector giving me one of those good-good hugs. I really needed it.

Goals I had for today:
-Wash our bedding
-Start working on going through stuff across from stairs
-Wake up earlier than noon
-Wash face and brush teeth twice
-Clean cages
-Get Protector to watch something with me (if he’s up for it)
-Write an entry
-Write a letter to future me
-Work on master-to-do list
-Be forgiving of myself if I don’t get all of this done

Things I accomplished today:
-Woke up earlier than noon (but went back to sleep…)
-Washed face and brushed teeth twice
-Made my bed
-Updated my Habitica
-Updated my Ebay information and checked tracking for my packages
-Write an entry
-Added to master to-do list.
-Going easy on myself for shutting down
-Got Protector to dump Mac and Cheese’s litter box

Goals for tomorrow:
-Survive first day back at work
-Figure out how to wear a normal mask all day
-Try to not get overwhelmed
-Write an entry
-Get Protector to watch something with me (if he’s up for it)
-Feed pigeons
-Work on master to-do list

Goodnight <3

(I’m not going to back-date this entry so let’s all just pretend I posted it last night)

Last updated January 04, 2021