January 1, 2021 in In My World

I woke Protector up last night to watch the ball drop with my mom and brother. We were all playing Animal Crossing. There wasn’t much celebration. Just quiet conversation, as it should have been. Last year was a fucking nightmare and I hope this one is better. I played neopets for the rest of the night until I went to sleep…sometime after 3. I really need to fix my sleep schedule.

I woke up around noon and immediately had to call the vet back to reschedule the foster kitten’s appointment. I guess they have a lot of surgeries next week and double scheduled. Oh well, 4 hours later isn’t bad. I borrowed my brother’s speaker and blasted music while I set up my January calendar on the white board. I also set up the “shit that needs doing/shit that needs buying/when did I last..” board. It took me waaaaay too long to finish that because I couldn’t get the list of animals to look the way I wanted it to. It’s to keep track of when I clipped their nails last. All in all I’m kinda proud of how it came out. I have to start using the calendar again so I left a space open on the other board for lyrics or quotes or whatever. That’s something I’ve been doing for a while. I priced some of my Magic cards and just hung out with mom for a while. I was mostly just dicking around on my laptop and watching tiktoks but still.

I texted my boss around 3:40 to ask her if I can come back on the 11th rather than the 4th like I asked a week ago but she hasn’t responded yet. Honestly, after dicking me around for almost a year, I think they can suck it up without me for one more week. I need time to get things settled here.

I didn’t accomplish nearly as much as I wanted to today but sleeping through my multitude of alarms didn’t help either. My mood has been kind of up and down today but I’m not going to beat myself up for not doing enough. I did what I could. I’ve been waking up every morning and immediately opening a Bang energy, the caffeine is definitely helping and I definitely need it but I’m worried it’ll stop working. I’ll manage, I always do.

Protector is completely in my space right now. Smudge, Pork, and Beans are all sleeping comfortably around my bed. There are christmas lights hanging from the ceiling–too low because they keep falling. Car Masters: Rust to Riches is playing on the tv and Protector’s computer screen is lit up on the steam download page. Nefertiti is chirping every so often. Everyone else is asleep. It’s 3:04 AM and all is well for the moment. I’m content with this as the first night of 2021.

P.S. Remind me to write about brokeNCYDE. I have many thoughts. In the meantime, I’ve put them in a tiktok.

I am grateful for:

1.) My foster kittens. They are growing like weeds and I learn something new about them every day. (Note to self: Write an entry about them)
2.) My nephew. I have only gotten to meet him once in his year of life but I fawn over him every single day. I miss him like crazy. My sister and brother-in-law, too.
3.) All the time I’ve had lately. Things are about to get hectic and crazy and I’m grateful for a few more days.
4.) Jupiter the weighted dragon. My friend’s daughter named him. Protector calls him Slump. He is important.
5.) Another year, another month, another day, another hour, another minute, another second of this life. Things get hard sometimes but I wouldn’t want to be anyone other than me.
6.) Mom helping me by carrying my trash bag upstairs when I was too frustrated to.
7.) My brother letting me use his speaker.
8.) Having dinner be a food I actually like. (Tilapia and potato wedges which sounds weirder than it was)
9.) Bang energy drink and the fact that it makes me feel more “normal”, focused, and productive.
10.) Soft blankets, stuffed animals, warm cuddles, and happy thoughts.

Good/Happy/Positive/Surprising things that happened today:

1.) Beans rubbing all over my ankles and waiting for me to pick her up while I was putting the boards back on the door.
2.) Finding toys-r-us promo pokemon cards that I forgot I had.
3.) Having a fun conversation with a friend about an old band and tiktok.
4.) Protector and the fact that he can’t sleep restfully unless he is touching me one way or the other. right now his butt is against my leg and he hasn’t moved…after wiggling constantly for like 10 minutes not touching me.
5.) Discovering that brokeNCYDE still exists. Even though we are DEFINITELY in an alternate timeline. (different conversation for a different day)
6.) Stealing more pictures of Lyla from Ninja. He’s been snapchatting me pictures every day and letting me screenshot them.
7.) Beef Jerky.
8.) Having the confidence to make a tiktok of just me talking, no trend.
9.) SO MANY kitten cuddles
10.) Being able to focus. Just. Even for a little while. Something I’ve desperately needed for too long.

Goodnight <3

Goals for tomorrow:
-Shower
-Get 3 things off master to-do done
-Write an entry
-Make sure Protector ordered my book and sticker
-Brush teeth and wash face twice
-Go to bed earlier than 2:30
-Write a letter to future me