there were so many emotions in Second 1st

they are all forgotten now but this.....

There was an explosion downtown Nashville Christmas day. As things came to the light I was sad for the families in downtown apartments above the businesses close to the bomb. I was proud of the officers repeatedly running into danger as they evacuated the potential casualties. I was irritated that my phone and internet went out because of the location of the explosion. I was nervous for all of middle TN with spotty 911 service.

Over the next few days I finished the diamond painting and will frame it today. I’ll message Alex about it in a bit. We went what? 4 days without internet..... so it was all I had to do really.

I got a letter from Symetra saying I’ve been approved for FMLA. I laughed at the available time I am allowed to take. “twice a week for up to 2 days” .... 4 days… that’s literally my work week.... not that I’ll take them all I just need it to be there if I need to use it. With so much time available though I can leave if I’m at work and it get’s bad.

I listed a few items this morning and Todd messaged that he wanted an item.... will come by later today to get it.

I’ve never had to support a man as much as I have had to with Rocky. Todd had asked me if Rocky was working yet and it told him that I didn’t expect him to ever go back at this point. Really I know that that type of thought is because I feel so defeated. I’m a planner in nature and this is chaotic to me. We are still doing okay financially..... but we obviously could be way better.

I feel a bit numb today.

Rocky made an appointment to a new cardiologist for the 11th of Jan. I hope he listens to Rocky when he says “sit up MRI or nothing” The not knowing is killing me (and possibly him literally).

I’ve spent most of the time off so far feeling like trash because of eating the lunchmeats we had for our lunch the 24th.... nobody ever eats as much as I expect them too. I had set up the food for consumption and when mom brought in her stuff tried to help her but was feeling so sick that everyone could see it and I was forced out of the kitchen. I hardly ate a thing and took a nap after everyone left. Huge disappointment. Since then I’ve had 2 other really horrible days. Dizziness, nausea, horrible unending headache. Last night I went to bed at 5pm.... after making a couple wraps with Turkey and spinach which I gave to Rocky to eat because I couldn’t.... and I slept.... and did not wake 10. I then got up and made a thing to eat and went back to bed.