No babysitter, ever! in Since OD is shutting down....

So....I got hired at a place and was supposed to start training tonight but daycare shut down due to the fucking virus so I let the new employer know and then if I get word of daycare opening back up, I’ll tell them when I’m able to start. I had a horrible weekend because I wanted to go dashing but no one would watch my kid so I have no money to get through the week. I took my kid over to my friends house and got about 3 blocks down the road and had to turn around and get her because her boyfriend was apparently throwing a fit. So I go get her and she’s crying and confused because she wanted to play with her little friend and I just told her I wanted her home with me. I had to take the blame for someone else, again.

My Mom just ghosted me again. I let her know I’m going to need my $160 that they have borrowed but I know it’s a fat chance of getting repaid. I told her that she didn’t just take from me, she took from my child and I take that very personally. This is just how the cycle goes. I get ghosted for several months and even over a year just for them to come back around to mooch and take advantage and then once I say no more, I get ghosted again.

I asked my brother to watch my kid on Monday and thank God I made other arrangements for her because as I am going to drop her off, I saw him drive past me! He literally went out of his way to avoid helping with her for a fucking hour!! Again, this is my so-called “family” so that’s why I’m a lot better off cutting them out of the equation. My daughter has asked about all of them and I don’t know what to tell her because now everyone has stopped talking me because I’m not going to allow them to walk all over me.

I am honestly so tired of not knowing what I’m going to do. I have a dr appointment coming up on the 6th and I don’t have a sitter. I can’t take her with me due to the Coronavirus so I’m not sure what the answer is. I also have plenty of concerns about the new job because I would have to use my own car and it’s got a lot of mechanical problems and I’m not sure if it’s going to hold up long enough for me to make enough money to fix it before the fuckers breaks on me. I’m also irritated that where it’s located, i would have to go up a big hill and I’m sure that would be a big fucking issue when the roads are snow packed and icy. My car is decent in the snow but I just know it would be a problem. I also worry about the place taking over my whole life just like the last one did. Plus, I have worry about daycare not having a spot for her and shutting down again. It’s shut down multiple times already and that’s not good because jobs are going to get tired of hearing how you don’t have a sitter.

It’s also bullshit that my Mom is a selfish, lazy bitch and it’s always been a fight to get her to come watch my kid so I can make money. I get that my Dad doesn’t want her to babysit because he’s insecure but she also lets him control her. Then, we don’t mention the hundreds of dollars worth of food she’s eaten the past few months either. She seriously ghosted me and my daughter for 14 months and then we reconnected back in May because she left my Dad and then started coming around just to basically eat my food and take advantage because she knew I wanted myself and my kid to have a relationship with her. She also likes people to kiss her ass and she walks all over them.

Still not sure if they got their house sold or not. I text the other night asking if she could watch my kid so I could go to my job interview and got ignored. I sent a nasty fucking text saying I needed to be paid back as I would like to pay for Christmas for my daughter with the money I let them borrow and get ignored on that too. I texted my brother and he said they are either waiting on the house to sell or stimulus. Okay, well they are sabotaging the sale of the house because they still have animals shitting and pissing in it and can’t refrain from smoking in it so that’s not going to happen.

I have been really down the past few days with all of this and that Christmas is tomorrow where I know we won’t hear from my kid’s sperm donor, never have on the holidays and he doesn’t pay child support so it’s again always up to me to make sure she has a good Christmas. We’ll be home again by ourselves tomorrow because that’s just the way it is. I spent my entire pregnancy by myself crying all day and no one cared so it’s not a shocker that my daughter still has no one. Nothing ever changes and it really starts to get to me.

I just feel so fucking defeated. There’s days where I just want to lay in bed all day. I have absolutely no way to fix anything or make it better because I’m all by myself. I seriously wouldn’t wish this shit upon my worst fucking enemy. No one cares about my daughter or myself. It just really fucking sucks. No one makes any effort unless they are getting something out of it and it’s just maddening.