Sigh in Current Events

It doesn’t feel good having ill feelings toward my mother. I hate it. I don’t understand why she came at me this morning to try and gaslight me into believing I have an eating disorder. I refuse to look at my mother through the lens of “is she a narcissist?” This is because people dehumanize narcissists. I am not going to dehumanize her. We all possess narcissism. My mother has a strong sense of self-reflection and empathy but she can get stubborn. It’s been years and years since we had a disconnect about anything. I told her to stop gaslighting me. She responded explaining that she didn’t mean to. Then accused me of gaslighting her. I told her not to contact me anymore. I don’t know what’s going on exactly but I needed a boundary. I don’t want to play with narcissism. I know that it hurt her. It’s going to eat her alive. I probably made a mistake. She’s just worried. She’s trying to be involved in all of our lives. She’s probably just going through hell because she wants to see us. Just trying to find reasons to latch and be included. She probably doesn’t feel counted. Ugh. Maybe I’ll call her. It won’t go well. I’m worried because of when she had that adverse reaction from a prescription that made her suicidal. She wasn’t able to cope with two girls at her work not liking her. My mother is insecure because she does not know how to communicate well and it makes people think she’s attacking. Now I’m out here making her feel like she’s some kind of monster because that’s probably what just happened. Hate this.