every moment since in Second 1st

Although I kept poise on the way home I didn’t talk unless it was about traffic.

Rocky suggested we eat at the Burger King close to home. … just run through the drive through. I don’t know how many times I’ve told him most places don’t serve lunch till 10:30. … it was 10. We got a couple breakfast sandwiches and went home.

Tears had been randomly dropping the whole trip home and I was a mess in the BK drive through. My face was dry when we hit the windows though. It’s been a rough day and I’ve made the house presentable.... not as clean as I’d like but I don’t have anymore “want to”.

I wanted to cut cheeses, summer sausage and tomato tonight but I don’t have it. ....

Instead I’m going to pull a nice large chunk of that diamond painting and work on it.... listen to some people I’ve never met play D&D and hopefully escape for a few hours.....

When we got home Sammy was still here. I wish he hadn’t been.... I’d asked him not to be.... so he got “It has nothing to do with you. I love you and it was nice having you as a guest but I need you to leave now.”.... gave him a hug then he asked if I was okay I told him I wasn’t but I would be. He frantically got his things together and left.

I had talked to Rocky a bit in the driveway when we got home and honestly felt a little better. Told him about how I’m honestly worried he could have a heart attack or stroke and the only think that could avoid it he “can’t” do. “I tried” I talked to him about how I feel like I’m doing this completely alone. I told him how when we got inside I needed him to disappear because I needed to clean and the site of him was making me angry.

I got the Kitchen complete.... I picked up and swept the dinning room but it honestly doesn’t look like it needs a mop so I didn’t..... looked at the living room and said fuck it.... no one is really going in there anyways.... I hope. I mean it’s only at like 25% tragedy so surely it will be forgiven based on the food spread I have planned.

My head has been woozy since the fast walk to the 2nd waiting room. On the way home it had started to throb.... caused but stress and crying. It wasn’t the hysterical cry.... just random tears that honestly I had no control over. By the time I said Fuck it to the living room the only thing I wanted to do was lay down .... so I told Rocky he was free to roam the house now but I was laying down dizzy and my head....

It was only moments before I fell asleep and almost an hour before I got back up. I needed to make a trip to Wal-Mart .... I wanted 2 sugar free pies and cool whip .... as well as more swiss cheese. I fell into the door frame of the study and leaned on it as I told Rocky my intentions. He saved his game and came with…
On our way out the driveway I checked the mail and I got some more nail strips I’ve been waiting on..... so I’m going to do my nails here in a bit. They are from a new company called Lily & Fox seem kind of smaller than the Evil Nails I’ve been wearing.
Went to Aldi’s to get some Zero bread. My brother had mentioned doing a low carb diet and I wanted him to try it.... we got some blueberry muffins.... and some blueberries because Rocky swears he’s never eaten any.... How do you be 39 and never have eaten a blueberry?
Wal-Mart for pies and Wendy’s for a bite.
Took migraine meds on the way out and it dulled it a bit but the food helped way more and I’m good now.
Got back, put up groceries.... laid a few things on the counter that I intend to deal with tomorrow for the get together. Then cleaned the bathroom.... then here.

I’m gonna go work on the diamond painting now. I’m done dealing today.