On Handjobs. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

If you know anything about me, I use humor to diffuse tension, whether internal or external. I’m aware I’m over-the-top. But really, this preface is to shield eyes that may not want to read this. The following content is rated T for Timmy. You read the damn title.

Ahem.

I’ve spent most of my life being an advocate for women’s pleasure. I suppose these days I should say ciswomen, but whatever. I’ve heard/read too many women complaining that they aren’t receiving their satisfaction. Or genital attention.

Yes, #allclitsmatter.

Does your partner have a penis? Low on funds this Christmas season? Want to make your boy smile?

Then consider:

A handjob!

Get your best lubricant. Sit on your bed while he stands. Praise his cock. Tell him it’s a nice cock, a good cock, a cock with a future. Fondle his balls and tell him how big his balls are. Go slow. Listen to his sigh of relief.

Maybe he’ll get his release. Maybe he will take matters into his own hands. Maybe he’ll end up flipping you onto the bed to perform coitus proper.

And don’t forget aftercare! Whether he orgasms or not, give your boy a nice warm cuddle against your chest. We don’t get enough cuddles. Let him sleep if he needs to, safe in your arms.

Oh, and keep the change ya filthy animal.