Baka in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

Grump.
But I shouldn’t be. lol

So, last night Victoria came over to help me set up my bigger Christmas Tree in the basement for her COVID safe birthday party/holiday party. Instead of any hanky panky (which totally could have happened) we just decorated and lay in front of the fire talking and being reassuring. I know she’s bummed significantly that Essen and her kids are “locked up” again and that they can’t come to the party. So the party will essentially just be Victoria, Remus, their kids, Skully, his wife, and “Julia” from the play. “J.D.” (her fiancee) is working late. SO… still… not so terrible… 5 adults and 2 kids. Appropriately small for COVID gathering limitations.

Though, the really funny thing is it pretty much doesn’t matter where I go, who I see, or what I do this month. My brother, sister in law, and niece are doing a total 2 week quarantine so that they can spend Christmas with the parents. And that sounds brilliant, good on them. But as I work a job where I still have to go to court at least once a week (and sometimes 4 times in a week), I quite literally CAN NOT DO THAT. Which means, though I haven’t even BEGUN to process it, that my Christmas Eve will be.... staying home alone. And my Christmas morning will be… staying home alone. I mean, I’m sure my parents will argue the point and I may or may not crack. But it seems… mean… either way. If I come… then it literally undoes the 2 week quarantine my brother’s family is going through. Like… they are taking dedicated, active steps to make sure they don’t get exposed or transfer exposure to Mom and Dad. But if I don’t go? It’s like saying my brother’s financial success thus allowing him to quarantine in such a way takes precedent over my need for family and connection. That being said… I do need to be in court for Sentencings and the like that Monday and Tuesday. So, even if I quarantined immediately that Wednesday… that would be laughably nothing as far as a virus that can take up to 7 days to present symptoms. We’ll see.

I suppose it should surprise no one but when I woke up today… I really really didn’t want to go into work. Not only am I exhausted and my body hurts but it just… at this point… there is a significant feeling of pointlessness to it. My day is phone calls and e-mails (don’t need to go into the office for that)… 10:00 a phone conference to listen to people explain why they can’t pay traffic tickets but refuse to stop speeding/driving without a license/driving without insurance. 11:00 an in person hearing because a Defendant wants to be able to contact her mother, who has a Protection Order against her own daughter because her daughter beats her up and steals from her. A 1:00 hearing where a protected party’s co-worker believes the schizophrenic Defendant was attempting to violate the No Contact Order. THAT one, at least, is worth getting out of bed for. Because the Defendant truly is an unrestricted psychopath who has been traveling around the county threatening to kill people. So even if I can’t get him on THIS charge, making him take the steps of coming all the way to court and sitting through a hearing is… some kind of accountability? Not really, but I need to justify things to myself occasionally. And then the rest of the day is phone calls and e-mails.

I mean… really. As long as COVID continues… judges won’t send Defendants to prison or jail. As long as COVID continues… we can’t have safe Jury Trials. As long as COVID continues… I am required to expose myself to viral potential through Juvenile Court, Bench Court, and Magistrate Court… making my average per month exposure at about 60 points of contact per month. Just from work. Meanwhile, my social media feeds keep showing me fellow Iowans going to the bars, rejecting masks, living as though there isn’t a disease that could potentially have long term health consequences we don’t even know about yet. It’s… disheartening. I’m not being PERFECT in social isolation outside of work… but I’m limiting pretty heavily. And the response of “It’s just been so long. We deserve to go out again, enjoy our lives. I mean, we can’t be expected to just put our whole lives on hold for an indefinite amount of time!” is one I can understand but is also such immense bullshit. Because if we’d actually “stayed in, went on lock down, and put our whole lives on hold” when this all started- it wouldn’t be NEARLY as bad as it is now. And I DO get to say that because March, April, and most of May… I WAS staying in, trying to be on lock down and WFH as possible. I didn’t have visitors or guests outside of Nancy who I had “kicked out” in March. As far as plans cancelled, trips cancelled, seeing friends, trying to pick up women or start a new relationship.... I have put my life on hold.

No wonder I’m exhausted and full of blah. And don’t feel particularly inspired to spend my time, energy, or emotional labor on my job. I mean… any job but particularly a low level Iowa Executive Branch Job that means less and less as Iowa’s COVID gets more and more out of control. EVERY County in the State of Iowa has a 10% or higher of COVID population. Some have as high as 30%. 30% of the county’s population has or had COVID. Literally 1% of Iowa’s population has died from this. Not “It only has a 1% death rate”… no. By the numbers literally 1% of Iowa’s population DIED this year due to COVID.... SO FAR. And yet… no real official mask mandates. No state-wide address telling people to be fucking responsible. The Governor continuing her “Iowans know to do the right thing” bullshit. Yeah. Sorry I don’t wish to be exposed or continue expending emotional labor on people that pretty literally don’t care if their neighbor dies.

Bah. The few things I actually have to do today are or have been emotionally taxing. People sobbing, weeping, begging… people screaming, shouting, threatening. HUMANS. Fuck. I totally get how emotions get big and controlling and take over… I get that. But when you actually get to the point of COURT… I mean… I don’t know. Maybe I’m old fashioned and still see the court as a place of decorum and professional expectations for all. Probably just me being silly, I suppose.

That’s pretty much my day.

1:00 Hearing
1:30 Phone Call
2:00 Letter to Attorney
3:00 Letter to COVID Bubble for Christmas Gifts
4:00 Leave at some point
5:00 Give the dog a very dark walk as the sun goes down a little after 4:30
6:00 Grocery Store Run
7:00 Eat and Wrap Presents
8:00 Literally smuggle presents to Essen and the kids via a dead drop (I’m not even joking there)
9:00 Finish setting up the Holiday Decorations for tomorrow.

THAAAAAT’s my day.