Bending Backward to Move Forward in General Mental Anesthesia

I have been absent. I apologize.

As those of you who follow me know, life has been unkind to put it mildly.

Events have occurred that have prevented me from being more active. I could have and should have written sooner, but things are so bad right now that I know I’m due for many days of rest, so I’m going to push through and explain the goings on.

SEPTEMBER 2020

My mom went out of town for a couple of weeks (other side of the country) which left me in my current state, very vulnerable. I love my independence, but my body is broken (literally).

So what happens? a few hours after my mom leaves, my lower back spasms.

In my previous entry, I mention this happening, and I was screaming in crying in pain (in public) yet I had help. Now it happened, and I am alone. The worst case scenario.

Basically, afterwards… I went 3 days without food, which of course means 3 days without medications. One of which could be lethal, especially now. I’m on Xarelto for blood clots in my lungs. If I go a day without it, new blood clots could form and they could kill me. Particularly since I’m inactive! 😕 I didn’t have a choice, I couldn’t move without screaming and crying in pain! It was unrelenting; more than that though, when I HAD to move (to go to the bathroom) I had to mostly drag myself there while holding myself up using the walker, my legs wouldn’t work! The times I didn’t make it to the bathroom… yeah, you guessed it, I had no way to clean. Imagine my humiliation.

I don’t know how to describe what that’s like, other to say it’s utterly embarrassing and completely exhausting! A person only has so much upper body strength and being in so much pain, that really drains you of energy.

And every move (if you have back injuries like mine) any bend or twist sends lightning bolt shock waves of pain throughout your body and into your heart. My heart-rate didn’t drop below 122 for those first three days and the highest was 168. (I had my oximeter in the bathroom and took it to keep track because I could feel my heart racing). I didn’t have chest pains, but I could feel my heart going crazy!

This was as calm as I could get.

Oxygen Saturation / Resting Heart rate / bpm

My resting heart rate ‘should’ be in the low 70’s. Anything over 100 is dangerous. I was in too much pain to record more than I did. If anything, my previous video downplayed how serious things were, so I never even thought about recording a second time.

It’s been a very stressful time; for my heart as well. Living with pain isn’t easy, and even as the severity subsided, it remained very high (well above average for me).

Since March 18th, 2014… this happens to my lower back once or twice a year (at this same intensity) but I usually had a pain medication and it never lasted this bad for more than 6 hours. This year its happened to me several times already, it’s unprecedented, so 3 days of it at a 10/10 was like reliving the day of my death over and over and over again.

I’ve since been more mobile, but I can’t get up and down without feeling some kind of pressure on my lower back; as if there’s a 2x4 there preventing any fluidity of motion. Imagine trying to bend your knee in the opposite direction, yeah, like that! Minimally, I’m moaning and groaning at the slightest of movements. I haven’t been able to shave, I can’t stand in front of the sink and I especially can’t bend at all! I feel as bad as I look.

By day 4, I started eating again. Just simple things like applesauce, something I could reach and didn’t have to prepare. Finally, taking meds again, but I’m just very distraught. I feel like there are no answers, and I don’t want to live like this, no one should!

It’s #GIVINGTUESDAY

I didn’t plan this, I promise. If you are able to donate time or money to a charity of your choice, I encourage you to do so.

If you would like to make a more direct impact, please feel free to donate or share my GoFundMe campaign. There are multiple ways in which you can help, just visit my updates.

ANY HELP IS MUCH APPRECIATED

Thank you & G-D Bless.