My Dad. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I wanna talk about my Dad some in this entry. My Dad hasn’t been that great of a husband or a Father. Growing up, we lived on absolutely nothing because he never worked. He made sure my Mom was always the bread winner and the more money she made, the more HIS expenses became. I can’t even give a good estimate of how much money she spent buying him cars, cell phones, computer, horses and the list goes on and on.

Well, last December she reconnected from a guy she dated in high school at her job. They let her go because it wasn’t appropriate for them to be seeing each other. She left my Dad back in May to be with this guy and went home for good about 2 months ago. They got divorced and then remarried about a week after the divorce was finalized. My older brother and I told her how stupid it was and when the house sells that they need to buy their own houses, get into some counseling and just figure out life without each other.

Well, they have now decided to buy a new house that they’ll be moving into probably within the next couple weeks. My Dad still doesn’t like my Mom to go anywhere and doesn’t approve of her coming to my house. She spent the night last Saturday night and then we ended up going out there Sunday afternoon and it was apparent that he was in a bad mood and we knew why. I told her that it’s okay if he doesn’t want to be involved with my child but he needs to make it okay for HER to be in her life consistently. My Mom was never around until she left my Dad 7 months ago but now that she’s been around, my daughter expects to see her.

There’s a lot about my childhood that I still haven’t made peace with and my Dad has a lot to do with my trust issues with men and them being around my child. He did absolutely terrible things to all us kids and there’s even been some questionable shit he’s done regarding my child, even with me sitting right there. I’ve voiced my concerns to my Mom and she’s told him but even when we were there yesterday for Thanksgiving, he was still sharing a fork with her and kept asking for her to sit on his lap. I don’t think he was necessarily trying to be creepy, but this goes against my boundaries.

I am just so sick of feeling like I’m not being heard. Essentially, once my brother and I get the money we were promised, I won’t be asking her to come see/watch my kid anymore. I am just so sick of him trying to interfere or always trying to come with my Mom when she’s told him why I don’t want him around my child. I’m sorry that he’s fucked up and has never gotten the help that he needs, but I’ll be damned if my child suffers. I wish that he wouldn’t have done the shit he’s done but I am not going to allow my child to be affected by someone that doesn’t respect other people’s wishes and plans to always be around even when he knows why there’s issues.

It’s like since he’s been a lot nicer and has found a new respect for my Mom that everyone needs to put their fucking blinders on. Well, mine aren’t on because they don’t exist. I’m not stupid. I even told my Mom that even though he’s being nice, he’s still controlling you. If she wants to allow him to control her there’s nothing I can do but I’m not going to be controlled by him so that I get to see my Mom and not gonna have my daughter around what I feel is an unsafe adult.

He things once they move, we’re going to be coming over all the time and maybe thinks I’ll even leave my child there and none of that’s going to happen. I plan to visit but my daughter will be elsewhere. Unless we can be outside, my daughter will be hanging out at my friend’s house with her kids because I know that at some point, I’m going to come unglued and then I’ll be the bad guy.

It’s just crazy to me how fucked up people can be and they just expect everyone to tolerate it! I won’t be tolerating any more than I have to in this life!!

I’m still trying to decide what I’m going to do about the job on Monday. I just don’t want another job to take over my entire life like the last one did. I applied to be part time and then I’m told it’s going to be full time for ‘awhile’ and we all know how that goes. It’s sad to think that the only reason my daughter is potty trained is because I didn’t have a job! I don’t want my daughter to not hit her milestones like she should because I’m not around enough and I’m not going to have my daughter being raised in a fucking daycare.

My brother has plenty to say about me not having a job and honestly, life is so much more stressful when you don’t work because all you do is worry about money. I’ve always been a hardworker and never took breaks and became burnt the fuck out. When all you do is work and take care of a kid and you don’t even know who you are anymore, it’s going to take a toll on you.

I’m going to make a game plan to work from home part time, I just need to find one online that’s legit.