Couple thoughts. in Since OD is shutting down....

I’ve done some thinking about my impending job and realize that I need to probably send an email about the schedule. When I got the hiring email, it just says to be there at 9am but no scheduled off time. I’ve always read the reviews about this job on indeed.com and people were saying that you get clocked out at 6pm but are expected to stay and work for free so I’m not sure how that’s expected to keep employees but I’m not going to take any more time away from my child than I need to, especially for free!! I also have to see the chiropractor 3 times a week and my child twice a week so I have to have time to get that done.

I plan on sending an email tomorrow and ask what time I’m scheduled off and I originally applied to work part time and then I’m told I will be full time in the beginning for orientation. Um, this doesn’t sit well with me. I’ve been with my child every day all day since I’ve been jobless and I can’t imagine being away from her full time and worry that I’ll still be late picking her up if I’m expected to stay late and work for free.

My parents are going to be giving my siblings and I some money when they’re house sells which is in a few days and I told my Mom that I’m probably going to buy a new laptop and printer so that I can just work from home. I honestly don’t want to work around other people anymore and I just don’t want to worry about my kid being in a fucking daycare. I never wanted her to be a daycare kid and I’m just not into that idea anymore. I’d rather just be able to work from home and be with my child. She starts school in less than 2 years so I’d like to just be able to enjoy my time with her until school starts because then I won’t have a choice but to be away from her. I almost hope that the COVID thing never ends so she can just do virtual learning.

Another thing. Since my kids SD has been a mean, abusive prick all along and now with him getting up in my face like he did, I’m going to let my friend know that the next time she hears from him, he’s to set up visitation at the center. I can’t have him around me anymore getting scary and shit talking me anymore. I honestly have felt absolutely broke because he’s so fucking mean and I refuse to keep putting up with it. I never thought I’d find myself in this situation but I can say it hits different when you are living it.

Anyways, I am just so glad I got my jacket and the insurance money so I can put that entire mess behind me. It sucks that my friend and I are back to being on the outs but he’s got a lot of issues that he really needs to work on. I am not driving 5 hours to have someone decide how I’m going to spend my money, control my kid, and treat me like shit. He’s incapable of change. I honestly enjoyed going to visit but I just can’t be around someone that makes me feel like I have no say over anything, especially when it has anything to do with my child. I am her Mother and I will make the decisions for her.

I plan to find a work from home job. I just can’t work a regular job where I’m not going to be in control of my life again. I only have so much time with my daughter before she starts school and I want to make the most of it. I can’t believe my daughter is already 3 and time is going by way too fast. I love her more than life itself and I still have a lot of guilt for how much I used to work and felt like I had missed so much and I’m not going to deal with that again.

SO yeah, my BD constantly playing the victim card has got me fucked up. He hasn’t mentioned it in quite some time but he fucking beat that shit to death. He has NO FUCKING IDEA what it’s like to constantly have to stress about not having help, paying for everything by himself, and not even having an identity outside of parenting. I had completely lost myself, mainly because I was always at work but then by not having a job, it gets to you never knowing what to do when you have a dr appointment, dentist appointment, or even just wanting a minute to yourself because even when you have a sitter, it’s extremely expensive. No one has ever watched my kid for free, including my Mother.