Stupid cash money in Bittersweet

My drawer was short 10 and 40 cents. The 40 cents im not shocked. I dropped a handful of dimes and i found a bunch but not sure if it was all of them. I couldent find any more. So im not shocked. They could have fell into my trash bin. But the 10 bucks is like what. And its perfectly even. So i could have easily missed a 10 today.
And the bad thing is a lady pointed out where i miss added HER change, it was a dollar. She handed it back.
So i was bawling in the managers office as we counted my grand total of 1200 and some change a good dozen times. Plus the 150 in my drawer that STAYS in the drawer. Two managers and myself counted it and im exactly 10.40 under. So i do get a write up for it. If it had been 9 or 4 or something i would have thought ok ones. But 10 even. I miss handled a 10 somewhere. I must have counted back change badly.
They assured me it happens. We had a insane day. We closed 2 hours early so we were literally slammed from start to finish. I barely had time to vacuum the floors and sweep. I had several moments of messed up cashing out and many manager calls to fix my fuck ups. So it was literally just pure stress..... They said they understand especially being there 2-3 weeks and such a high stress day. But be a duck. let it roll off and friday is going to suck more. Well they said fun. I said stress cry more? Its going to be ok, but im praying i dont fuck up so much. I mean it was a bad day from the start for me. This is why im scared of cashiering. Why im hating cash. Why do so many people use cash!

Im really stressing about black friday. I mean i was already nervous. And i know its another day. But im really worried about being off with more of a crazy schedule! I KNOW it happens, But im really upset that im off THAT much. It dosent matter if other people are off a bit more or less or often. Im mad that IM off. And to me thats a lot. They were telling me stories of them being off or dumb actions with cash. But i still feel bad about my being off.

I got home, cried some more. Made some pies. MIL made pumpkin. She seriously over spiced it. We are going to need a LOT of whipping cream. Hope we have enough! I made apple. I was debating a cherry but im out of crusts. I also like apple with cranberry sauce. But i dont feel like making it right now. Im emotionally drained from crying so yeah. I know its kinda stupid. But i hate fucking up like this. Just hopefully Friday is ok…