Nihil Aliud in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

I know it’s been a while, but in my defense, I was working three jobs during October and then spent the first half of November trying to fix my fucked up sleep schedule.

Also trying to avoid drama.

The good news is that it’s fixed, partially because right now I’m up in the Sierra Nevada mountains housesitting for a friend from college. She and her husband are up in Oregon getting their concealed-carry gun permits. I really don’t know how I feel about guns. I just find them really unnecessary in most circumstances, but whatever, I’m not judging.

The one thing about being up here, as I have been for four days now, I feel like the Final Girl in a Friday the 13th movie. Seriously, I’m all alone in this desolate cabin all by myself with nothing but some animals. Last night Mud, the German Shepherd, started barking for no apparent reason around midnight and I freaked the fuck out.

Suddenly I was looking for one of those guns that they have hidden around the house (for the record, I grew up with guns, I know how to use them and had my license for years before I let it lapse in my twenties)

The other good news is that thanks to the three jobs I worked during October, I have officially saved up enough money to live in Thailand for 4 months even if I can’t find a job. It was the goal I made back in March, when I first put this cock-eyed plan together, and not it seems like a moot point because I can’t actually get into the country unless I get a job first.

But whatever, I’m sitting on a nice amount of cash, I just have to figure out what I’m going to do with it.

Lots of stupid little dramas have happened since the last time I wrote, but I’m actually at a point where I realize that none of these things even matter. I ran into Thadd (if you remember the blonde Adonis of my teenage years and the way he liked to gay-bait me in front of his friend while secretly carrying on an affair with me) and it was just a mess. I was really upset by everything that happened that day/night until I realized that I hadn’t seen him in years, neither of us were in touch any longer with the mutual friend that had introduced us, and I was not the little 17-year-old teenager that was so easily manipulated by him twenty years ago.

I was also reminded that Joe hated Thadd. They hadn’t actually met, but the last time I spoke to Joe was when I told him about what he did to me and Joe told me to stay away from him. I didn’t follow his advice, but when your lover dies and an Abercrombie model wants to fuck you, you say yes out of grief.

I’ve done a lot of things out of grief. Few of them healthy.

Thanksgiving is on Thursday. We’re drawing names for Christmas (which I helpfully pointed out was the plot of a Golden Girls episode) and then I’m going to my friend Katie’s restaurant for a Friendsgiving kind of thing. I thought it would be great to get away from the family as much as possible during the holidays. I miss going away for the holidays.

But I’m saving all my money for Thailand, so I guess a trip down the road is all I get.

Minimizing contact with my family is my only goal through this holiday season, and I know I say that every year, but this time, I mean business.