Money. in Since OD is shutting down....

So my Mom came Saturday night and I let her know I’m getting low on food so we need to take it easy. She got kinda rude but overall didn’t pig everything down like she usually does. I told her how much she wastes my iced coffee and she argued up and down that she doesn’t but only poured what she was going to drink and left it alone. I wish she would stay out of it completely but it’s whatever. We went out to their house yesterday after going to Goodwill and my Dad was obviously in a mood, probably because my Mom had spent the night but loosened up when my Mom threatened to stay with me again. It’s just annoying that it’s not enough that they got remarried and are buying another house together because his main goal is to get my Mom all to himself.

I just don’t get overly controlling people. I would think the energy and time that would take to control everything around you would be really draining. My friend brought my jacket Saturday night and I made sure to tell her how much I appreciated it. I guess when she picked it up, he told her I was to come back for Thanksgiving. After everything that has gone on every time I’ve been there and then the issues with insurance and getting my coat back, I can say with absolute certainty, I will never be going back.

They sent me papers for child support modification and I don’t plan to pursue anything. The guy doesn’t pay it anyway. I think trying to get it modified would probably just lower it for him so he’s even more off the hook and it won’t rack up as fast so it wouldn’t help me, but absolutely benefit him. I guess if he tries to get it modified, that’s on him but there’s also plenty of things about my situation that I’d rather he not know. I just hope the letter never reaches him or he decides to just leave it alone.

My parents were super broke so I gave them some money but told them I only received a small amount for my car damage so they don’t try to get more and maybe not give me what I was promised when they say their fucking house. I know that my Dad will do what he can to avoid giving us what they told us we were getting but I know my Mom won’t let that happen. I also don’t see it as a gift, but some of the money I’ve given them for the past 15 years.

I also realized that I come off a lot more generous and laid back than I really am. I am actually a pretty highstrung, selfish stingy person. I’m actually pretty generous with people that are generous with me and I know they actually appreciate it when I spend money on them but with people that don’t do shit for me or only come around when they need shit, I’m really good at playing the broke card. I just feel like I have to be that way because every decision I make affects my child and I’m not going to sit around and have nothing for her because of other people’s selfishness.

I was raised to be submissive, co-dependent and always bite my tongue and I honestly resent that because there’s been so many different situations I’ve put myself in that could’ve landed me in jail because I lacked the ability to say no. I honestly like to stay away from people who have a stronger personality than me because I know that I’m going to be taken advantage of because it’s harder to say no. My friend that I went to see was definitely more dominant than me and that’s why he got to pull all the shit on me that he did and I found it harder to stand up to him because I was staying at his house and I didn’t want things to become awkward but I can say I allowed more than I should have and that’s why I won’t be going back.

With every situation that arises, I realize more and more about my personality that I don’t like. I know that I have a lot of things to work on and I’m going to do that. I’m sorry that people suck, they weren’t raised right, they’ve had a tough life but I refuse to let that be reasons for them to treat me like shit.