Fracture in Current Events

I am not mentally organized, emotionally organized or spiritually organized. I am unhinged and I have been taking it out online whenever I can. I’m slowly making my way through the replies. Is online social anxiety a thing? I’m just not in a mood to put up with the abuse. I have self-esteem I can usually take it, I’m just a little sensitive at the moment. I can’t collect myself and I’m acting a little unhinged. What I need is a solid moment by myself. Introvert problems. I am so radically distracted on my phone all day long because I don’t know what else to do. My Bible is in my storage locker, I would rather read that. I’m too attached to the matrix. The matrix being this shared agreement that we are all born into. I forget that most of what exists in the world isn’t real. I listened to one of my spirit guides online today and he reminded me of that. Talk about a reality check. I don’t know if I agree to believe in the esoteric side of what he and the others talk about. I want to though. Lightworkers, empaths & indigos bringing humanity to a higher frequency. A generation that is going to create a different reality. To agree to believe in something else instead of this shared reality tunnel. What I mean is, constellations do not exist in the sky as constellations. They exist only in our concepts. A lot of what is in our lives exists only in our concepts and those are making us unwell. We have forgotten who we are. Just a soul or consciousness having a temporary human experience. Anyway, I’m not sure how this happened but I’m a little involved and invested with what this group of Jews have to say about current events online. They’re tying it all to the Torah. Am I going to convert? No. I spoke to my Christian evangelist friend to ask him what chapters of the Bible were the Torah. Are they even the same? I don’t know.

There is a tagline going around about being in this together. The world is so fractured, so divided and everything is so polarized. Especially about this pandemic. I can’t see how the world can even heal going forward. There is no room for differences of opinion anymore. Too many people want conformity. I’m not perfect on that either. I have to remind myself that I am enlightened enough to know that I do not know. Beliefs are just conclusions we make about things that we do not know. Science doesn’t even know one thing in its entirety. Not one atom and not one concept. We only know how to use everything. We are in an intellectual and spiritual dark age and I think this world is about to be torn apart before it heals. There is no going back. The inorganic ones are attacking us says one of those spirit guides that I speak of. They created this reality and they are about to trap us in it and enslave us. That’s pretty much what I am seeing here too. Of course, I don’t know who the enemies are. I’m looking around at my fellow humans wondering how we’re going to fix this shit. All of it.

Blah, I’m stuck in a house with a married couple and their family and they are fighting. It’s not any of my business so I am trying to drown it out with my headphones. They’re both dumb and they’re both wrong so I think they’re just venting. Not my business… Tomorrow is Monday. I don’t even know what I am going to do. The world is ending and I feel so shell shocked from my mind imploding the last few days. Mental whiplash. Totally unhinged. So embarrassing. Ok, I’m going to try and watch something that’s not annoyingly woke. I’m trying to start the Expanse over but I can’t focus. I kind of want to binge the X-files. I was too young to understand it when I used to watch it on my triple X nights. Xena, X-Men and X-Files. I woke up to my niece watching Pokemon this morning and it made me nostalgic. I wasn’t a big fan of Pokemon, I did collect the cards. Sailor Moon and Dragonball Z I used to like, Goku was always late to a fight and that made me angry. Reboot was my favourite. Gargoyles, Beasties Wars, Cybersix. Those are the cartoons I remember watching before I became obsessed with Buffy and Angel and Roswell and secretly Queer as Folk. I don’t think we could get away with QAF today, then again Cuties is up for an award so… that’s why I need to read the bible. The world needs Jesus lol.

Last updated November 22, 2020