Update! in All of Me

Wow, I haven't written and a lot has happened.

First and foremost, my friend since high school ( my only male friend right now) shot himself in the chest last Friday. My other friend from high school, who lives with him and her boyfriend(another friend from high school) called me and told me that morning. She told me they were not sure he would make it. I felt like I was being crushed...I have never almost lost someone like that. I just couldn't imagine if I actually lost him...I was so upset that he hurt that deeply to attempt to take his own life, and to come so close. I called out of work to be with my friend, Lori, and to see my friend, Ricky(the one who shot himself). We all knew he was depressed and we knew he needed help but he refused. He is the sweetest, most loving guy and he went to Iraq twice. He also grew up in foster care so he has a lot.

Well, we went to see him and he was recovering well. He missed his heart. The bullet pierced his lung, went straight through his rib(so he has a missing piece of his rib). Thank God he missed his heart. I went and gave him a big hug and a kiss on the head and he was like " I just did it so you would come visit", and I told him to shut up with a little smile, but inwardly I felt guilty for not visiting more. However, they live an hour away(and they never visit me either, but I felt bad for not visiting when he was suicidal). I mean, I went to visit a few times but I wish I had gone more. I hadn't been since February.

Ugh, so we walked around the hospital and I cried and he cried and Lori cried and everyone cried. He stated that he "really fucked up" because he missed his heart...not that he really fucked up because he shot himself. However, I know he is in pain physically and emotionally and still not really thinking rationally. He did say that he decided he didn't wanna die after he shot himself and decided not to shoot himself again after he missed his heart. I hope this was a wake-up call for him. I can only imagine if he tries again. He moved away to North Carolina to live with his biological sister, who is really his only family. He will go to therapy there. I hope he is alright. I talked to him today and he sounds ok but then he sounded ok before he shot himself. I am so worried that one day I will get a call that he succeeded...but people can and do recover, so I am optimistic.

Um...awkward transition I guess but I started doing groups at a treatment center three days a week. It's just some extra money and I like doing it. I found out they are closing at the end of June though! I asked my boss at my one job if she would consider me for full-time day treatment(in a school). She said she might need someone for one of the elementary schools and she will definitely let me know. So, fingers crossed. I could have a full-time job instead of three part-time jobs haha...or maybe I would keep one part-time job with the full-time job.

Terrence has been texting me intermittently, not too bad. He says he loves me and he wants me to come home. He sent me pics of his kid and told me the kid said he wished I were still there. Ugh... I will not be going back so no worries on that. I know he has not changed and nothing has changed and I still wonder if he only wants me for the apartment purposes(renewal of lease), though he won't admit it.

Tonight, I am going to look at an apartment for my friend, Mariam, with her. I am so excited that she is moving back here!

That's really it.