Another day. in Since OD is shutting down....

Today has been pretty decent. My daughter and I got up stupid early and she said she was hungry so I got her McDonald’s for breakfast. We don’t really eat out much anymore because it’s unhealthy and I can’t really afford it but today we did. I ate a sausage patty, eggs, and got myself a coffee which I mixed in with my morning coffee and protein drink.

I’ve done a lot of thinking about my friend that withheld my jacket and wouldn’t cooperate with the insurance company over the accident we had and I’m honestly so glad things ended before I made the mistake of moving there. He was super adamant about me moving up there and acted like it would just be so great because I would always have a babysitter but after everything that’s happened, I know I’d waste thousands to move and then have all of them decide they don’t like me anymore and then I’d be at someone’s mercy if I needed a babysitter. I would never leave my daughter with people knowing they don’t like me and at least here, I have a babysitter at least sometimes. There, I would not and would become super depressed living in a big ass city with my daughter and being completely on my own.

I think when things go wrong, you definitely need to have your eyes open and not wear red flags like they’re blindfolds. Pay attention! If things can go so horribly wrong over a jacket and a car wreck, how much worse could they get over anything else?! I am so sorry I ever thought it was possible for this person to change but once the insurance money comes and I have my jacket, I will be able to put this entire mess behind me. It totally sucks that things ended up this way, but at least now I know and I can move on without having any doubts that this person didn’t get enough of a chance.

He’s got a lot of issues with control, manipulation, and insecurity. I lived with him and still didn’t realize how deep these issues went until I’ve gone to visit. He wants to seriously control absolutely everything around him at all times. I’m the type of person where I try and understand what makes people tick and whats happened to them to make them have so many negative character flaws until I realize it’s not my job.

I think with the jacket and the lack of cooperation started with him needing to feel like he was in control until it dawned on him that this accident wasn’t just gonna go away or maybe he was hoping if he didn’t talk to him that I would be left holding the fucking bag. They took down all of his information at the accident and I gave them his phone number and address so hiding out was just making him look bad. Maybe it’s shitty of me to not care that he’s 20% responsible after EVERYTHING he’s done to me but I can say that I never thought he would face any kind of penalties over this.

Honestly, I hope all of us walk away with lessons learned. I think for him the biggest one is YOU CAN’T CONTROL EVERYTHING! In no way, shape, or fucking form is he above the law and there’s times where you can’t just decide that if you don’t want to deal with something you don’t have to. I know for me the biggest lesson is NO ONE will ever be driving my car again and if I travel, my ass will be staying in a motel where I’m able to keep better track of my stuff and if by some off chance I forget something, I won’t have to beg and plead for the return of my things.

I want to touch on how things went when he moved in with me 4 years ago. I originally met him at work and he had told me he was living in his car. Well, we started hanging out all the time and I really enjoyed his company. We had gotten some take out one night and we started talking about him moving in. He says he’s only going to pay $200 for rent and that should have been a red flag that he’s not even willing to pay half the rent but a tiny fucking amount. But I thought okay, maybe he’ll end up paying more. So he pays rent TWICE! He bought groceries once. I end up paying about $150/week just for groceries. He would have the nerve to bitch that the bottled water wasn’t in the fridge! I came home one night to the living room window wide open and the AC on full blast because he didn’t care that he was running up my electric bill. HE had a tower fan in his room that was mine that ran 24/7 so I always had to wait for him to leave and I’d go in there and turn it off. He would shower and leave water all over the bathroom, sink, toilet, floor. I seriously slipped a couple times scared that I was going to break my neck. Well, after several months of telling him to get the fuck out, I had called the cops twice. The second time he had shoved me a couple of times and then he ended up getting arrested in his work parking lot so he lost his job. He wouldn’t even come back to pack up all of his shit so I had to and drop it in his storage unit. I could’ve been the bitch to fling all outside and tell him to come get it. Nevertheless everything ended horribly because he wouldn’t pay bills, clean up after himself, or buy groceries AND decided that he wasn’t going to get the fuck out.

I think that he wanted me to move up there so bad because he eventually is going to have to find a new place because he’s lost his job and can’t afford his rent and would probably try and move in with me. I know that I’ve put up with a lot back when because I thought people pleasing was a positive character trait until I realized that’s part of co dependency. I made a lot of mistakes not only with him, but almost every single person I’ve ever crossed paths with. Just because I was super laid back and put up with more than I ever should have back then, doesn’t mean I’m that same girl now. Try me today. I’m a whole different person because I’ve put up with way too much my whole life and I have a child now that actually is my priority.

There’s times where I think back on how much shit I’ve let slide and it makes my stomach turn.

Anyways, his friend has tried to call me twice today. I have both of them blocked so they can’t send text and if they call, it goes right to voicemail that I don’t have set up. I guarantee that he probably knows he’s 20% responsible for the accident and he’s having her call to pump me for information so they have something to gossip about. I am not willing to discuss any details of the car accident with them as it’s getting handled and it’s not their concern.

I talked to my Mom today and asked if she’d be around this weekend so I can go Dash and she said, “I don’t know, I’ll have to wait and see what’s going on” which basically means no. I’m still going to ask my brother if he would watch her before taking her to my friends house. I was also annoyed that I told her about the car accident stuff and all she asks is, “well, when are you going to get some money” like wow it’s nice to know that’s all she’s fucking worried about. Apparently they are out of food and my brother helped them out but I think she’s hoping I’m going to give her money and then when it comes time to pay it back, tell me they can’t because now, their insurance isn’t willing to pay for the roof so they are going to have less money when the house is sold. Like I’m not stupid, I know how this shit works. I’ve been putting up with it my whole life. I help them out because they’re in a tough spot with the promise I’m going to get paid back and I never fucking do!

Anyways, I told the insurance company that their offer is unacceptable and sent a counter offer. She didn’t respond because her work day is done but we’ll see what tomorrow brings. She made sure to say this is the amount we discussed on the phone and I said I’ve thought about it and it’s unacceptable. I haven’t signed anything so let’s see where this goes. They are only willing to pay for my bumper but not the trunk latch and disregarded me mentioning it on top of my chipped teeth. I definitely don’t want this to go on for long as I need the money but I feel like my daughter and I are worth more than what was offered so I’m not going to accept what was offered.

I just can’t believe how shitty my Mom is about things. Like she’s gone right back to doing nothing but having her head up my Dad’s ass and doesn’t give much of a fuck about anything else. She fought so hard to get away from him, get a divorce just to get remarried and then put down to buy another fucking house with him! I told her to save her money so when things go bad again, she can go buy another house for herself. My Dad is still a control freak, he’s just super nice about everything now so my Mom can’t see that he’s still manipulating the fuck out of her. It’s still a rarity for her to come see/watch my kid and I hesitate even asking because most of the time she just throws out excuses. I don’t know if it’s because she knows that’s what my Dad wants or just because she doesn’t want to but if she plans to never really be consistent than she doesn’t need to come around at all. I am so tired of half assed people because I’m the only that has to constantly give my kid explanations why people can’t be around more!

I’m just tired of shitty fucking people all around. I think it’s bullshit for his friend to call me when I had asked her to mail my jacket and she told me she doesn’t send care packages. Uh, it’s my own shit! It’s not like I asked her to go buy stuff, box it up, and mail it because THAT would be a fucking care package. She just didn’t give a fuck, had absolutely no compassion and went as far as saying I need to just replace it! Then that fucking bitch is calling me now?! No, you let me know how little you cared about things before, I’m done with you. I know a jacket shouldn’t be a big deal but when people show how much they lack empathy, I’m going to pay attention to that!!! IF you lack empathy over small shit, you would lack empathy over big shit too.

Ugh, I just can’t wait until I start work. My daughter will be in daycare and I’ll just have her stay late on Friday nights so I can dash. I like life better when I don’t have to ask anyone to watch her. I’m also irritated at how much food my Mom eats when she comes over. Like all she does is plop her stuff down and just starts going through all my food. There’s a bunch of super expensive stuff gone that I’m sure she ate all by herself and the kids didn’t get any. I just get really irritated when brand new stuff gets opened and neither my daughter or myself get ANY of it!!!

I told my brother that I don’t mind her eating, I wouldn’t expect her to just sit and starve but eat in moderation!! I only get so much to spend on food every month and I can’t afford to go through at least $40 worth of food in 1 or 2 fucking nights!! Her sense of entitlement is sickening! My kid didn’t even know who the fuck she was until about 6 months ago. I would be a little more understanding had she been a Grandma all along but when she’s basically just coming over to fucking gorge down all our food, I’m going to get pissed off!!! It’s not my fault now or ever that they can’t afford to keep groceries in their own fucking house. Then, she likes to waste my iced coffee. I buy the expensive Starbucks coffee and she’ll pour herself a big, tall glass of it. Take a couple swigs and then set the cup in the sink! Then she likes to open bottles of soda, take a drink and then leave it in the fridge. I’ve told her like we aren’t going to drink out of that and I end up just pouring it out so if you don’t plan to drink the whole thing then don’t open it!!! Then I bought some ice cream so it was brand new, I go to give my kid some a couple of days ago and there’s about an ounce left at the bottom when it was brand fucking new!!

I just can’t wrap my head around people being super selfish and entitled. I have never behaved this way. I never go to anyone’s house and just help myself to anything. I don’t even touch their fridge. I guess i care about how I come off to others and don’t want to be an entitled prick.