Lots of good news today. in Since OD is shutting down....

It’s been a pretty good day already. I received a call from the insurance company and I’ll be getting paid for our injuries and the damages to my car. I had to send pictures and a video earlier. They’re going to send me papers to sign for the payment and they are covering 80% of the damages and my friend is going to cover the other 20% and I’m guessing he doesn’t know yet or my best friend would have heard from him. I definitely didn’t think he would be responsible for anything at all. I still have to worry if my insurance is gonna go up. I talked to them and they don’t know because it just happened like 3 weeks ago so I’m not going to stop worrying just yet.

It’s a shitty deal how all of this worked out and I honestly wish it would have never happened. I just don’t know what made him decide to slam on the brakes, especially with my child in the fucking car!!! I honestly don’t feel bad that he’s going to be held responsible for 20% of this. Hopefully he’ll learn from this and never fucking do it to anyone else. I can’t even describe how broken I felt when I got my daughter out of the car and the look on her face was fear, pain, and sadness. I will never forget that and that’s why no one will ever drive my car again.

I also got an email stating I start my new job on the 30th. I am so glad that I'm gonna get another chance because I don't want to take a shitty job again. This one sounds really decent and hopefully it works out. I've heard some negative things but it's something I've always wanted to do and the pay is pretty decent, more than I've ever made hourly. I just wasn't in a good place mentally when I was supposed to start a couple of days ago. I'm very upset that one of my cats has gone missing a week ago and I just know she's not coming back. I was also upset about the car wreck and just everything. I couldn't bring myself to get up and ready and get my kid ready to start somewhere new.

I washed all the bedding and took a shower. We also ran down the the store. My daughter is super happy with her new balloon and pretty ball with pretty stuff inside. I’m working on getting her down for a nap.

My ‘friend’ is probably going to be very upset about all this. He won’t care that we have to see the chiropractor 3 times a week for at least another month and my insurance is probably gonna go up. I’m sure he’s gotten some points on his MVR so his insurance is probably gonna raise as well. I know he won’t have any regard for me, just worry about how all this is going to affect him. Typical narc.

Ugh, I just hate how much I stress about everything. But yeah, I was thinking about the other day when we were getting packed and ready to head home and he wanted my daughter to stay. It definitely raised a couple of red flags because he became pushy about it. I don’t ever just leave my child and especially 5 hours from home! That would never happen! I know the first time I went there I left her at our house with Grandma and she was completely fine but I would never dream of leaving her with people she doesn’t really know and they don’t really watch their own kids. It’s probably by the grace of God that all their kids are still alive and in their custody because they don’t really watch them. I know my friend lets his kid (she’s 4) go outside and play by herself with no supervision! Apparently isn’t worried about her getting hurt or someone walking by that could snatch her up!

I know my kid would have been okay with me leaving for maybe a couple of hours and then would have had a straight fucking meltdown because she’s so used to being with me. There’s just no way I would ever leave her with anyone. I know my ‘friend’ and his friends just sit around getting fucked up all day and that’s not the kind of people I am going to leave my child with and I don’t have the time or the money to go back down there and that’s why I had my friend pick up my jacket!!

There is just so much this person has done to prove how little regard he has for others and his lack of respect is mind blowing. I am honestly sorry that I ever went to visit but I will never make that mistake again. I can’t risk anything else happening to my daughter, myself, or my damn car. I also don’t like how he controls every minute we’re there either. Like I don’t want to be around him, his roommates, or his other friend every fucking second!! I also knew that he wasn’t going to be cooperative about the whole insurance thing, as he never is with anything. It’s crazy this person has gotten as far in life as this when he’s just difficult, selfish, and mean for no apparent reason.

I’m just glad that I’m going to be able to put all of this behind me. It’s gonna be great when the money is in my account and my jacket makes its way back home. I don’t want to even remember any of this shit. I am sorry that our friendship didn’t work out (again) but he’s got a lot of issues he needs to work on within himself and I can’t suffer or be punished for his life choices or how others have treated him. I know that I’ve had it hard but I still try and handle everything the right way. He does not. That’s not my fault or my fucking problem so I’m going to stay far, far away.

Control freaks are just not my kind of people. I can say that I am pretty high strung but it takes way too much time and energy to try and control everything around you. I think he definitely only likes people who are super laid back, easy to control, easy to manipulate and ones that he has some leverage on whether it’s opening a bank account for them so he can see how they spend their money, or putting their car on his insurance policy. He has to feel that he’s able to control everyone around him in one way or another. It makes me question if he even cares if people like him, or they merely tolerate him because they don’t have much choice.

My personality, my mindset, and the way I look at the world has changed significantly once I became a Mom. I think people see me as a lot more generous and laid back than I really am. I’m not super generous. I’m actually pretty selfish. I feel that because I share everything I have with my child, that I don’t want to share anything with anyone else. I know that I definitely needed to speak up more with my friend and I’m angry at myself for not doing that but I also will taking a lot of learned lessons away from this.

I also didn’t appreciate how he tried to dictate to me how I would spend my money. For instance, he wanted me to buy a $23 jar of moonshine cherries. I said absolutely not. I tried to compromise by saying I would buy a couple jars of regular cherries and we could soak them overnight in some vodka but that wasn’t good enough so he glared and walked away. Uh hello? Bitch obviously doesn’t care what I’m already spending JUST IN GAS to come visit and you want me to spend $23 on cherries?!?!?!? FUCK NO! The 2nd time I went down there, his roommate watched my kid (while she took a nap) and we went dashing. Then, he tells me that I need to repay her by purchasing her and her boyfriends snacks at the movies we were going to! I didn’t argue because I wanted to keep the peace but I will never do that shit again! I spend almost $35 just on their snacks! WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK!?

It’s just sad to think about how much shit I would have avoided had I made EVERYTHING A FUCKING ISSUE like he does. I will never put up with someone tryna run my ass over like he did and I’m very angry at myself for allowing what I did. But, to avoid this in the future I will never again go visit. I may be willing to talk to him some day down the road but that’s as far as it’s ever going. It sucks that things ended up this way but at least now I know that he hasn’t changed, there’s absolutely no improvement at all and I can walk away guilt free.