For Now in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

Victoria, Remus, and Essen volunteered to do literally whatever they could to keep Nala around. I plan to email Nala’s vet, too. And talking to the neighbor. And blasting all of the area Facebook pages. I am going to work like hell to fix this. But therein lies the question. Am I just doing what I did with Nancy? Am I selfishly refusing to let go because I refuse to give up? Would she be happier and healthier elsewhere?

I convinced my parents to come here. Basically with a “if we’re considering taking Nala away from her home, we should have that conversation while Nala is home!” Plus, the stuff my therapist and I talked about. 15 years of constantly reaching out to Nancy hoping for love.... this year being one where my loved ones expect/require me to reach out to them? I mean… during one of the loneliest struggles in a person’s life coupled with COVID coupled with my job… you really would think that those who love me would reach out to me to check on me. But for the most part, that hasn’t been how it was. No wonder I thought Nancy’s behavior was acceptable for so long!!

But… still not sure what is best for my dear fur baby. I will say this… if she goes away? One of 2 things will happen
1) I will be EXTREMELY at risk for accidental alcohol poisoning; or
2) FUCK COVID, I’m going to bars and pick up locations.

Because I will literally not be able to survive this house even more empty.

Of course, my father already guessed that. In the same breath that he said “you need to give up the dog” he implied “and sell the house”. And his comfort shared on all of that? Jesus is coming back soon.

Which at this point, fuck you, Dad. I’m thrilled that my misery hasn’t impacted your fucking faith but “all things end” isn’t exactly a fucking comfort to me right now, yeah?