Shitty friends, parents, shit BD. in Since OD is shutting down....

So it’s been a hot minute since I’ve made an entry and I’m hoping I’ll have time to touch on everything that’s been going on before the little one wakes up. Ok so BD came around about a month ago and mentioned moving in again because he’s homeless and blah blah blah. Well he’d been around for a whole day and started being an asshole, as usual so I told him I don’t appreciate him using my daughter to make GOFUNDME to get money when he doesn’t see her or pay CS. Next thing I know, he gets up off the couch and comes at me like he’s going to hit me. I seriously tell him to get the fuck out and he won’t of course so I literally call my brother and let him know what was going on so by the time he showed up, BD took things seriously and fucking left. When he had showed up, he gave our child his XBOX and then when he left, he made sure to take it with him. Like whatever. I’m just glad my daughter wasn’t home to witness him becoming violent or I would have called the cops. Don’t hear from him again until Halloween when he messages my friend stating he’d like to take her trick or treating and he was told no.

My parents have reconciled. They are in the process of buying another house and staying together. I definitely don’t agree with my Mom’s choice on this for a lot of reasons but it’s her life and I just try and be as supportive as I can. She came and watched my daughter over the weekend so I could go dashing and I definitely appreciate that because I don’t have a lot of money as I’m still jobless. I got hired at a place and now I’m just waiting for an email letting me know when and where I’m supposed to start work. I know it’s supposed to be on the 16th but the sooner I know, the sooner I’m able to make childcare arrangements so I’m seriously getting really frustrated. I got a job about a month ago and they were supposed to call and let me know when to show up and never did. I had called and left messages to no avail so I’m concerned that’s going to happen again.

I’ve made 3 trips to go see my friend that lives 5 hours away and this last time I left my favorite jacket by mistake. I asked him very nicely to put it in the mail and I would reimburse him plus quite a bit extra as the jacket is outdated and not sold anymore. He refuses, stating I’m to get it when I come back even though I told him I’m to start work and not sure when I’ll be back. He said he wasn’t doing drama so I blocked him on all platforms where he then messages my best friend telling her that it’s just a windbreaker and I’ll need a winter coat anyway and it’s not worth the money to send it back. I am absolutely livid over this because he’s deciding for me that I don’t need it and if I want it, I have to make the trip to get it. I find this extremely controlling as he’s held my shit hostage before and I just want my fucking jacket back. I had asked his friend to mail it back and she said no as she doesn’t send care packages. Uh, it’s not a care package, it’s my fucking coat!

Anyways, I went to the Dr the other day and my blood sugars are completely out of control so I’ve been sick of months. Since coming back home, I’ve been staying away from sugar, drinking more water, and watching my portions and the sizes. So far, blood sugars are more stable and I feel a bit better. I’m going to lose weight or I’m going to die trying. I’ve completely let myself go because of having a job that took over my life, having a small child, and just truly stopped caring because I felt I couldn’t do anything about it. Well, I have to do something about it because I don’t want to run into serious health complications because diabetes is no fucking joke.

I’ve gotten into the latest Tik Tok trend of the Premier Protein drinks mixed in with my morning coffee and since I’ve started doing that, I’ve finally taken a normal poop for the first time in a week. The stuff tastes great and it’s super healthy. I recommend to anyone that needs that extra boost of vitamins.

I honestly really miss having a job and making money. I guess if I never hear from the place I got hired, I’m going to keep looking. My daughter doesn’t really seem to care too much about daycare, she hasn’t been there in over a month but every so often she will mention that she misses her friends. I have never been into my daughter being a daycare kid and I like that she’s home with me, but I do realize that she loved going. I think my biggest problem was her being there more than what I wanted because I never got off work on time and I’d be hours late picking her up and they would tell me she had been asking for me and waiting and that just fucking broke me. Like I have to have a job where I’m allowed to leave when I’m scheduled to. The Mom guilt is real and just gave me so much sadness and anxiety when I wouldn’t be there on time to get her every day that I worked.

It’s just crazy how fast your life can change from day to day. My emotions and the way I feel about people changes all the time. I can go from thinking someone is super great to completely hating their guts. My biggest trigger is someone keeping my stuff from me and it makes me very hateful. I can’t stand people that create a storm and then gets upset when it rains. I’m sick of dealing with immaturity and mental problems. I’ve always tried to be a decent person who treats others with respect and don’t do shit to people that I wouldn’t want done to me and yet, I still get shit on.

Every time I try and have friends, I’m reminded as to why I don’t. Most people are just crazy, mean, selfish, and have plenty of motives. I am introverted and I really don’t have any intent to change. I get lonely sometimes but it’s cheaper than dealing with shitty ass people. I’m gonna just take what’s happened as a lesson learned and move on with my day. I already accepted that I will never get my jacket back and I will not drive 5 hours to get it so that person wins and feels they had something over on me. We both chose to end a friendship over it essentially so it is what it is. Sometimes the best thing is to just move on and let people deal with the hell they’ve created. I try so fucking hard to stay open minded but there’s always something that happens to bring me back to the real world.