Just a Few Things in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

(1) Remus, Victoria, Essen, and all the kids came over last night. It was actually really good up until the end. Kids had kind of a massive melt down.

(2) Victoria has downloaded Tik Tok and has become quickly super addicted. Most of what she watches there are things that make her horny. I have received some limited benefit to this. When she was over last night, despite everyone else being there, she was more willing to touch me. Hugs, hand on the shoulder… nothing amorous or sexual but fuck, mate, I’m getting borderline fucking Touch Starved. Thing of it is, though… it is another one of those things where it’s like… man… I find extremes. lol. Nancy could not be made horny and would be fine with No Sex and No Masturbation for literally years on end. Meanwhile, a 5 minute Tik Tok video can get Victoria in the mood and she is more on the “masturbate every day, have sex at least once a day in addition” track. So… again… OBVIOUSLY why she and I would not make good partners. Because when you are just genuinely sexually voracious (insatiable) I’m… well, that isn’t for me. Because I think, at least as she is now, if her marriage were not polyamorous, she could not stay married. On the other side of all of that, though? I do wish I were benefitting more directly from her vigor. For a woman with such abundant sexual needs it… kind of sucks that it’s been almost a month for us. lol. Like… I can make time… literally, there is no competition for my schedule. rofl.

(3) It’s funny. Kind of a weird catch 22. I want to say that I’m lonely. Not that I want someone to rush over to my house, or feel pity, or even respond. I just wish that I honestly had a place where I could tell my loved ones “I’m lonely. But that’s okay. It’s just part of life for now.”
Though I will say this: The family text group actually makes me feel more lonely some days. Like Today, the texts started about my brother and his family doing this big long beautiful hike; and how pride my parents were of them and how beautiful the walk looked; and I threw out there “That’s over 6 miles! NICE! Please feel free to grab Nala for those; she’d need ‘em.” Totally ignored. Skipped over. The conversation turned to raising the Granddaughter and how her schooling was going. Not that I wanted to derail the conversation or anything but… I’m a little tired of, and miffed by, this whole “Chris has nothing and nobody; just him and his dog; so the family doesn’t really have to treat him like a contributing member.” Granted, my harsh interpretation but… it gets old and it gets irritating. I’d like the family to express care and concern for the “getting divorced, living alone and farther away, working a heavy emotional labor job; all in the time of COVID” son. I mean, no… I’m not a founder of a million dollar business, don’t have children of my own, and am not getting an additional masters degree “for fun”… so yeah, I can see why it is more fun and enjoyable to keep all the focus on my brother’s family. But damn, y’know. I exist and matter still, too, right?

(4) I’ve decided that I’m going to put an ad in the paper. NO IDEA if it’ll work or be good. But I need to find someone that can walk Nala during the day. It gets so pitch black around here that not only is a long walk after work not safe… it isn’t even enjoyable. For either of us. Because I keep her on a shorter leash as I literally cannot see what she’s trying to get into. So… REALLY need to do that. Curious what I should offer as compensation, though.

(5) This coming week should be… interesting. I’m the only attorney for Monday and Tuesday… which in our district are better known as District Court Day and District Associate Court Day. So… those days will be SUPER busy with me trying to cover all of my boss’ hearings that he had to “give me” at the “last minute”. So.... fingers crossed there.