Being Bold in Meeting Mr. Jesus Christ

"For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain."
1 Philippians 1:19-21

The week came and went quickly with so much to do. Tuesday and Wednesday I was going through preparations for Thursday when I had a colonoscopy and endoscopy. The good Lord brought me through the procedures without complications. The doctor gave me some preliminary results once I awoke from the anesthesia. There were a number of unexpected findings, some I understand and others I will have to wait until May 1st when I meet with the doctor again so he can further explain. Several biopsies were done the results of those I can call for this week. Admittedly I am somewhat uneasy about the possible results so I have not given much of my attention to the matter, it will be what it will.

Tuesday afternoon I have another doctor appointment, one more exam and biopsy. I hope this is the last of the tests for the month. I really have become weary from the prep and recovery every week. This particular appointment was unexpected and I am a bit concerned about what is going on. It is kind of like the one extra thing on my plate that I just didn't need right now. Enough is enough.

Saturday was the Ladies Tea at church, the first I've ever attended. I managed to look fairly nice considering I threw myself together in twenty minutes time. I was up plenty early but failed to put my glasses on so misread my clock by a full hour. My ride called to say she would be over soon, I begged an extra five minutes prep time and moved like a teenage girl going on a date. Good thing I had showered before bed the night before!

We had a lovely meal, salad, lasagna, alfredo shells, a fresh fruit cup and far too many desert pastries and cakes to name. With my throat still being a bit tender from the endoscopy I didn't eat too much but I sure enjoyed the cool, soft fresh fruit. It was a beautiful, warm spring day, nearly 70 degrees out, the fruit seemed just right after a winter of heavy comfort foods primarily.

After the tea was the rehearsal for the Easter Cantata at church. Everyone I ride with is in the production so I stayed on and watched the first run through. After that I went in the fellowship hall to help finish cleanup from the tea then studied my lessons for Sunday school and my discipleship class.

Sunday was another long day beginning with Sunday school. The subject this week was ministries, a subject I found myself speaking up about a little bit. For some time I have been aware of some of the mission fields God has called me to and I have willingly answered without question. In sharing a very small bit I discovered the "follow me" response is more often lip service or money than stepping out of one's comfort zone.

After church I came home, made a quick lunch and laid down to take my "Baptist Nap" but that was short lived. About thirty minutes after I fell asleep I got a call to activate the prayer chain. I made my calls, said my prayers and went back to sleep only to receive a second prayer call a half hour hour after I finished the first ones. Once I finished repeating my work I had forty-five minutes left to nap. I gave it my best which was a mistake, I woke up feeling exhausted. My ride showed up ten minutes early so I flew out of the house without having anything to eat. With my blood sugar dropping super low so frequently of late I knew that wasn't likely to work in my favor.

After my discipleship class and church we had the monthly business meeting and election of a new youth pastor. He was given an opportunity to answer questions, there were many, including a follow-up from me. Someone asked about his stand on homosexuality. His answers were sufficient and scriptural but I was uneasy considering he is working with children. What he said I thought was good for dealing with an adult who may have concerns, doubts, etc. but teens in particular need special handling. What bothered me is although he said all the right stuff he didn't mention anything that included being loving, compassionate or that would lay a foundation of comfort for a person to discuss matters involving homosexuality. Otherwise I entirely think he's going to be great with the youth, he just needs to get his ears wet. He's got the knowledge. That's how we grow, jumping in. He was elected 80something yes, 4 no. Later that night I was surprised by discussion by some members, "I cain't imaagine who would have voted no." Difference of opinion is allowed with a thin margin, but allowed.

When the meeting let out twenty-five or so of us went to McDonald's for some fellowship time and food (ugh). Conversation surrounding the questions asked about homosexuality, pornography and whether the new youth pastor was going to become a member of the church quickly became the focus of discussion. It didn't take long before I was asked why I had questioned him. I was very clear that I found his scriptural based position fine when addressing adults but I had concerns with how he would come off to a kid were he approached with questions. Adolescent therapy was my specialty when I was working and I remain open to work with teens. Kids need to sense they are being accepted even when they know their presenting problem may be unacceptable, there needs to be a zone for trust and communication otherwise you just loose the person to whatever it is that will afford that comfort and sense of trust. I was pressing to see if this guy really understood kids or was just looking for a job and had a good education growing up in a churched family with a pastor father. Apparently I offended nobody with my personal views.

Folks filtered out to head home for the night and myself and two ladies (70 and 80 years old) remained. Until last night nobody had taken the time to ask much about me beyond polite questions such as do I have children, husband, etc. I figured at some point that would have to change, I prayed it would. I don't like having impersonal relationships and wearing put on faces, my preference is to know what makes you tick and you know about me equally, but that is built up to not pulled out of thin air.

Now I would normally have a better laid plan for how to disclose myself to the sweet as puddin' old southern ladies but circumstances peeled me open like an onion. I was exposed and for the first time I had to stand for what I believe in and back it up. I discovered I have some deep convictions even in the face of people who I think have a lot more churchin' up than me.

Ever since I was saved one of the mission fields I was called to was ministering to people who live and work on the streets. This McDonald's we were at is a hub for drug dealings, the homeless go there to warm up and sleep in the booths. These are not activities financially well off, sweet old ladies who have always been protected from the world by their husbands are familiar with. They said they hear about it, but last night they saw it first hand three different times. They also saw and heard me do what God calls me to then tried to put me on the defensive about it.

First was Sarah, a young woman I know from my previous church that happens to work at this establishment. I spent months talking with her, helping get her and her children's needs met. When her shift ended she came to our table and sat (univited) with us to talk. I was proud her, now employed, she has a home she is providing her kids without using a man for the money to do so, in a number of ways her life has moved from chaos to average. Still, she is a talker, she talked while the ladies listened to her with the widest eyes.

Another lady was asleep in a booth, backpack beside her and coffee cup on the table. Margie. She's there every night for a few hours and has been since before I moved to this town two years ago. Homeless and mentally ill, she lives in car with all her worldly belongings. I've talked with her a dozen or so times, she's a kind soul who's down on her luck and lonely. She comes there to clean up, have a warm coffee and sleep. I was surprised to see she had put streaks of wild color in her hair but Sarah told me it wasn't color. While drying her hair with the hand dryer in the restroom it got caught in dryer and burned, changing the color. Two nights later she fell while in the restroom and had a nasty bruise and lump on her cheek. One of the ladies with me said she had seen Margie in her car around town, but never in person. "It's too bad she has to live in her car. Isn't there something someone can do to help her?" she said.

Finally there is Mark, a heroin addict who nods off in a lounge chair in the corner after he has gotten high. I met him one day when I was in the chair across from him. When he woke up and just started talking to me. Not a minute had passed before he was mentioning Jesus. Somewhere along his walk Mark became lost, but he hasn't given up. He's saved, though he's a mess right now. Once he starts talking about God you can't hardly help but feel the spirit and I enjoy talking with him now and again. He was happy to see me and talk last night. The little old ladies didn't understand why I'd bother with someone like him. Mark reminds me of God's merciful grace, something I didn't say to them.

I know full well I attend a church that expects a certain type of people attend and those people to wear a certain type of clothing to church. I know because I'm their current foster child. I've been given clothes and food, someone once slipped money in a card for me, plus a few other things. I appreciate they see a need and are reaching out and I also put my pride aside and accepted they need their world to be a certain way, just as I often do. I was sitting in McDonald's with two of them who openly admitted they couldn't believe people could "be like that". My experience was a doorway to talk with these two women about these people who had approached me and exposed me and my mission field.

I posed this question. A young woman comes to church for services. She's wearing tight shorts, a top that shows her tummy and is cut low exposing her top quite a bit. She has a little more wiggle in her walk down the aisle than is necessary for a lady. But, she is here in church, so we should assume she came to hear the word of God. What should we do?
My heart broke when one of the women said, "Well, we should quietly take her out in the hall, explain to her this the Lord's house and we don't dress like that and she should wear proper clothes."
I would do very differently. I discussed my way of thinking and how I might otherwise welcome the woman, additionally welcome her back for next week. Chances are the woman would know her attire was standing out, I certainly knew jeans and sweater were when I first attended this church. I didn't own any Sunday Best clothes and I did feel awkward. I turned to scripture and the lesson on ministries we had in class that afternoon. I wasn't rude but I was firm in saying we are called to these works by God and when we can we answer that call.

I stepped out of my comfort zone and let who I am as a Christian woman be seen. The look on the ladies faces clearly showed they had me on the judgement seat. I now am waiting to see how my actions will be responded to in church by the people who are my peers. The thing is I realized I have some very strong convictions, and have developed a personal sense of what God expects of me, and most importantly I don't shirk when challenged about my beliefs. I am who I am, entirely because of Him. I pray I remember, should rejection come my way and I get feeling unwelcome by some people, I am there because of God who sent me there and my relationship with Him is what matters above all.

I once was speaking with a pastor and made the comment that I tend to be outspoken. He challenged me, saying he saw me as bold and that was a good thing. After two years I understand what both he and Paul were saying.
"For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." Amen!