George in A new era

i realise i haven't written in a long while. i have been reading, admittedly i haven't noted either. i've been a lurker. funny how it's always bad news that brings me back.

i don't know if i've ever written about george. i met george when i was a shy 16 year old, scared of my own shadow. he was the gardner at the nursing home where i had just gotten a job. he worked weekends, i worked weekends, he was always kind to me and helped me settle in. that was 13 years ago.

george is still the gardner at the nursing home, working during the week now too since his retirement at his full time landscaping job. he's in his seventies, and he's like an honorary grandparent to me.

he's seen me through dropping out of uni, breakups, crap relationships, being too scared to hold a baby to desperately wanting one. he's watched me grow up. he was so good to me when mum was sick, and he's one of just two people i keep in touch with since i finished working at the home. basically, he's always been there. he's always been a bit of a personal cheerleader of mine, from emotional support, and even a little cash help when i was really struggling when i was a student.

the last time i saw george, he was taking antibiotics for a chest infection. he was continuing to work, in the cold and damp, and i told him off, that he should take some sick days, rest up in the warm. he laughed and said that would mean spending time at home with his wife. it's fair to say george has an eye for the ladies, even at the age he is now, and he once told me that he only married his wife because he was doing the right thing, because she was pregnant and that's what you did in those days. it's been an unhappy marriage on both sides from what i can gather, but he dotes on the kids and grandkids.

george has been in hospital for a couple of weeks now, being treated with IV antibiotics. last week, they said he could be discharged, then after they'd seen his blood results they backtracked and kept him in. he text me earlier today to tell me that he has lung cancer, and very probably it has spread to his liver. i've cried for four hours since he told me. george isn't just a friend, george is practically family.

i've said i'll call up and see him tomorrow. i'm really not looking forward to it. it's like my mum all over again, there are some people who are just really in your corner, who just really want to see you happy, and to see you succeed, and it makes me so sad to think that it's more than likely that if it is as bad as they think, he'll be lucky to live out the next twelve months.

every time i've met a boy - and there have been a lot of boys over 13 years! - george has willed it to work, and threatened to kneecap them when they've hurt me. he routinely asks me if he needs to buy a hat yet, and i routinely remind him that this is me we're talking about! it makes me sad to think he's not going to see me get married one day maybe, and he's not going to see me have a family. he hasn't even met john.

not a good day. i'm so incredibly sad.

xx