depression is a monster in Depression

Been feeling a bit better the past few days. The new medication must be kicking in at last. I haven't been over the moon happy - which I don't expect - I've just felt a bit lifted. And then today happened. Woke up and was in a mood. All day I've just felt so suicidal. Like I just wanted to die all day. It was horrible. Obviously happiness for me is false. I'm never actually happy. Depression doesn't let you be happy. It lets you feel lifted for a while, then sucks you back in so you feel worse. I can't believe this is my life. This is what it'll be like. It really is an illness, I finally understand that.

I'm sick.