And so it begins in Bittersweet

B has been complaining about a knot in his chest a lot. He does something then says it feels like a knot sitting on his chest. Through questioning, I think hes having anxiety issues. Coupled with the comments that he cries himself to sleep ( to his ex gf) Im thinking I should make him an appointment with a doctor as soon as i can find one that he will be comfortable with. Its not like anyone in my house is nurotypical anyway. Im on a cocktail of mental health drugs to control the bipolar II symptoms. B was diagnosed with low key ADHD, but now im looking at over all apathy and wondering if its a depression and anxiety issue. Not so much the ADHD inattentive type that the doctors thought.

Believe me, im not looking FOR something to be wrong with my son. Im watching him. Im watching him drive me to the store, then get a pit in his stomach. Im watching him sit in the car for 45 minutes and feel like something is sitting on his chest. Im hearing my son and listening to what hes not saying.

Chase is doing really well off his meds. Hes been doing so well since being home. At least at home when hes being antsy and crazy and makes 500 noises while ribbiting around and moving. Its not bugging anyone but me. But over all, hes doing so well. He had a frenectomy today ( clipped his lip tie at 11!! ) and he sat so well. He didnt freak out or bounce around at all. He controlled himself so well. He asked a hundred questions about how and where and why. But i told him i would get him an icee and he did well. He got his icee. He has 2 stitches and has been queasy all day. I think its because it was the first time hes had lidocane. But after ive been asking since he was BORN about his lip tie. It goes from his lip, between his teeth and back. Nursing him was horrible for 16 months. Till i quit. I hated it. I also had extreme depression while pregnant and after which his first mental health doctor thinks attributed to his mental health. But Really the point is. Hes starting to work harder on controlling himself. Despite not being around other kids. Despite not being on his medications. I took him for because the only one he is going to annoy is me haha. It takes us longer to do things, But he gets them done.

Anyway. I was about 15 when my mental health started going downhill, and i just am starting to see some of the things that my son is doing that is similar to what my life…I just dont want him to go through the things ive gone through. my mom never listened to me. Im listening and watching him…