Not So Gay in Current Events

I had an interesting dream. I was at a vacation spot with my relatives. My mother’s cousins. In the dream, I was debating heavily about treating my same-sex attraction and signing up for conversion therapy. It was so bizarre. Two things on the matter live in my brain rent-free. The first one: Dennis Prager’s interview with Abigail Shrier about her book Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters. He defended conversion therapy because he believes that it should be available in a free society for people who choose to learn how to have a traditional marriage while experiencing same-sex attraction. Conversion therapy came up because Trans activists tied the psychological measures that Trans individuals used to go through before getting irreversible surgeries to conversion therapy. I’m a libertarian so Prager’s defence of conversion therapy for people with same-sex attraction was something I had to unhappily accept. The second thing that lives in my mind rent-free on the matter is a clip from a pastor telling a story of his brother coming out to him. So you have same-sex attraction? So what! What are you going to do about it? Then he explained how he has opposite-sex attraction and remains celibate for Jesus. It’s not easy listening to views that are opposite of my own but I will do it. If their argument is good enough I will do the impossible… I will change my mind. I don’t remember the rest of the pastor’s story but it left me with a something is deeply wrong with me feeling that I haven’t been able to shake. The bonus thing that lives in my mind rent-free is my random and unwarranted slight attraction to Nicole Arbour.

I sent Toni links to a bunch of affordable 2 bedroom apartments in all of the areas that we are willing to live. She rejected them all. We can do better she said. This is the same woman who was telling me that we should get a rotten one bedroom and I can just sleep on the couch until that house she is renovating is ready. Now we can do better? She knows that I was supposed to be moved out already. I am aiming for November here. She’s calling every shot. She wants to wait until March because she seems to be convinced that her cousin’s house that she is renovating is the answer to all of our problems. I don’t trust that it will be ready by March, I don’t trust that he will rent it out and I especially don’t trust that he will rent it out at the price he said that he would. They were high and drunk when they had that talk. Who commits to life plans that they make when inebriated? I suppose her plan is to passive-aggressively make me wait by rejecting every opportunity which is putting my roommates out. This is the same woman who whines every single time that we talk because she wants to move out of her parents immediately because she suffers from the millennial wound of being lonely. Like, changing everything in one’s life is not going to fix that. That is an inside job. She has to learn the nature of her desires. I sense that she is back to smashing Bob, the fuckboy that she can’t quit. She’s self-sabotaging because she goes to him when she gets desperate to get away from her parents. Again, it’s just lonely there for her at her parents. Parents = loneliness = Bob and she doesn’t want to remove Bob from the equation. That’s my thinking because during our conversations she feels that moving in with me will magically fix everything in her life. The main job she gives living with me is that she will suddenly be able to create distance from Bob. Again, that’s an inside job. She’s trying to change everything in her life except herself.

Tomorrow, I believe that I will be getting word about my application status from that phone interview I had on Friday. To see if I move on to the next step in the hiring process. I feel that the interview went well. Very well actually. She was just measuring my compatibility before I’m sent to the operations manager’s assistant to discuss my resume. She said that she had 7 other phone interviews to make first. I was the first one so my impression will not be fresh. Oh well, I haven’t stopped throwing my resume around and I was not as succinct as I thought I would be. I need more practice in interviews.

My roommates left for Anola yesterday in the morning. I had the whole day to myself. I avoided my socials and my texts. I just wanted to enjoy being alone. I danced in my underwear, I worked out and then lost all selfie control. First ones of the year and I feel stupid about it today. All of my insecurities are coming to the surface and it’s getting me randomly flustered. I can edit the hell out of a selfie so they’re pretty decent but having to stare at every single acne scar and blemish stings before I photoshop them. Then looking at my body, I still hate it. Why I gotta be like that? lol. If you want the right results you have to do the right things. I don’t necessarily workout to get gains even though I seem to want them badly enough. Speaking of gains. Lizzo is demanding that we normalize her body again. I feel bad because I don’t agree to believe in the health at every size movement. Disagreement = fascism to leftists so I’m a monster now. Morbid obesity is not a body type it’s a disease. I think of all the people who will not treat their disease now because of her posts and I wouldn’t want to have any of that blood on my hands. Lizzo needs to accept her own size, she’s externalized her validation. I refuse to get on board with normalizing obesity. I want to help though! I am aiming for a degree in nutrition and wellness coaching. Every health official or any individual who tries to lose weight or any person that doesn’t want bodyfat is fatphobic to these body positive warriors. They are so radicalized. Respect at every size and beauty at any size, sure, but I draw the line at health. A friend who was like an older brother to me died from a heart attack at 33. He was morbidly obese. My friend who is like a sister to me had an embolism last year, she survived but she was also only 33. She is also obese. Blah, Nicole Arbour did a good job standing up to fat acceptance in an interview that the BBC decided not to air. Again, nobody needs a flat stomach to be healthy but obesity is not healthy. Nicole is just a comedian from Canada who got her big fame from a cinge YouTube video called Dear Fat People which was… basically bullying. She’s grown up now and educated herself. Why do I get smitten for her? I no know. Anyway, I feel depression coming on so I better go do something about it. Here is that interview of her using facts, logic and truth aka hate speech.