Update in Inside My Head

The surgery took place March 14th. I cried my entire way to the operating room. The doctor was really nice though. He tried to keep me talking until I fell asleep. He was really good with updating Michael too, which is good to know. My last doctor kept Michael in the dark. Luckily there were no complications. The healing time took a few days. I had some cramping, but nothing terrible.

It took about three weeks for the beta levels to go back to zero. Once I get my period they'll start prepping me for IVF for the following cycle. I've been reading articles where some women didn't get a period for eight weeks following a miscarriage. I'm praying it's sooner than that. I've had enough with the waiting; I feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin.

I've been doing things to try and and keep myself calm. Michael and I took a trip to Philadelphia. It may not sound like a glamorous trip but the architecture in the city is beautiful, it has amazing restaurants, and some great art museums. It was only about an hour and a half from my house so even though it was an overnight trip we were really able to maximize our time there. We've scheduled two short trips to Atlantic City; we will be staying at the Borgata during one trip and Revel during the other. Atlantic City is also about an hour and a half from my house which is nice. I love vacations, but I hate to travel.

I went back to my parents' house since I hadn't seen anyone since November. I feel like a terrible aunt. The sight of my little nieces makes me cry. An overwhelming sense of depression hits me whenever I'm around children, especially my nieces. I even took their picture magnets off of my fridge. It sounds awful, and I feel awful for doing it, but I'm trying to manage the depression as best I can. Anyway, Becca tried to hand me her youngest daughter and I just started crying hysterically. It was humiliating to say the least. It was good to see my family though. I've missed them. I'm going back for Passover in a few weeks.

I'm trying to study for my board recertification exam, but it's not working so well. I have a review course in Philly in a few weeks so hopefully that will help. I will lose my job if I don't pass so buckling down to study will hopefully take my mind off of things.

I've also gotten into the Vampire Academy and Bloodlines book series. They are usually not the types of books I like to read. I almost stopped reading after the first book because the first book was pretty awful. The books got better as the series progressed. I blew through both series in a few weeks. A good book is better than any antidepressant that psychiatrists can offer. It's something positive and it keeps your mind off the negative for a prolonged period of time.

Here's hoping the next few months are better than the last few.

Artist

Last updated April 11, 2014