Neo-Empaths in Current Events

It’s been an interesting day that I had here on the world wide web. The Heyoka group that I joined, a fight broke out in a comment I made. The fight wasn’t related to me but damn. We grown folk but alright. Then I got into it with my sister’s boyfriend. The recovering addict. He decided to call out trolls that didn’t believe in COVID and that weren’t taking it seriously enough. I naturally responded with a full-bodied opinion that was sourced with government websites and real facts. I’m not a COVID denier, I reject the mainstream narratives and government responses to it. Anyway, he reacted exactly as a narcissist would. Suddenly he’s a victim of his opinion being slammed, I’m some keyboard warrior and everybody needs to care that he, as an ex-addict, is vulnerable to COVID. Why can’t people see how special I am? (The internal dialogue of a pathological covert narcissist) Then he somehow accused me of thinking that an opioid pandemic is fake and just used as political rhetoric against Trump. Well, first of all, I didn’t even bring up Trump which is rare lol jk. Gaslighting doesn’t work on me. I control my narrative. I would have let it go, I don’t need to save face as I don’t externalize validation and my argument was just to sway others anyways but he’s a covert narcissist and I had to set a boundary. To let him know that I will not accept responsibility for him feeling like he’s being slammed down whenever I oppose his public opinions. Also that I control my narrative so I own that I am vocal and opinionated from my computer, even though he knows that I am not afraid to voice my opinions in person. I had to stop there as I don’t need him relapsing. I do not agree to believe that addiction is a disease and I also don’t agree to believe that I am required to care, by his standard of caring. There is a huge difference between a novel pathogen and a pharmaceutical, for starters. I watched him come into my family like a tumour and take advantage of our kindness and empathy. It was so bad living with him and my sister that I had a nervous breakdown. He doesn’t get to come out of that and blame a drug and expect sympathy without apologies or reparations. He made every single choice himself. An individual, in my opinion, has a poor concept of personal responsibility if they think that guns shoot people and that drugs ruin lives. Shooters shoot people and addicts ruin lives. Choices. My version of caring is not to coddle and act like everybody is going through something so I have to tiptoe and treat them all like snowflakes. I want to empower and inspire others to be in control of themselves and their lives. That will be easier once I am a certified wellness coach.

Another weird thing that happened was on here. Somebody felt a need to put my authenticity through a purity test? Or something. I’m not sure what job they gave themselves. I dunno man. I got a comment on an entry I made months ago trying to call me out on stealing material from content that I shared along with it. I posted a video and then explained the said video. I don’t owe anybody an explanation. Narcissists man, they will get envious of you over anything. I don’t know what I have going on in my blog that required somebody to go back dozens and dozens of entries to privately let me know that I am not cool. omg I got exposed! That’s what it was! I was exposed lol. I love my fans.

The empath group that I joined… is not living up to my expectations. I can get more involved and see if I can “elevate” it. It’s very omg we’re the magic chosen ones how do we heal ourselves from the narcissists?. To me, empaths, are not experiencing somebody else’s emotions. It’s kind of like being self-conscious and self-aware but also being you-conscious and you-aware. It’s a huge bold assertion that you know what the other person is feeling because you know exactly how you would feel as you’ve been through hell and back enough. The only thing we truly experience is ourselves so I don’t exactly buy into the esoteric side of it. I recognize that this “ability” is not the usual level of empathy and comes with various gifts and curses. The one thing it does is make us vulnerable to narcissists as their feelings are fake and they know how to hallow you out. Anyway, this group seems to be neo-empaths. It’s like a war against narcissists. Hence why I’ve probably brought narcissism up so much. I need to turn this setting off. I get kept caught up. It’s part of my procrastination efforts. Which is just a way of coping to a lack of control.

Speaking of optics, Dave Rubin made a post which is so true. If you view everything through politics you will be miserable. Those are my optics, I was called out for being a fanatic about it and I had a visceral reaction to that. My bad, I’m that bitch sometimes too. I need to go on a cleanse from politics and social media. My need for constant information is just my response to not feeling in control and I know that. My fucked up ways and attachments are not big, bad obvious harmful things. I need to be more honest with myself when it happens. I couldn’t even tell you what I’m creating distance from, what is it that I don’t feel in control of exactly? I’ll think about that tomorrow. Dear God: please don’t let me wake up worrying China.

Speaking of God. I keep putting off Derek’s invitation to discuss Christianity. A religious debate? He sees that I am defending it on FB, fighting to put God back into the DNA of our Country but I am not an open Christian. I am weird about the I am’s. I possess some Christian values and I try and live by the biblical version of love to respect all life with dignity and grace. To further the kingdom of God through that definition of love. I just have a more gnostic view of the Bible in which Jesus is a guru and the job of a guru or mistic across all of history and culture was to enlighten you, bring out of unawareness and into awareness. Derek wants to convert me, to save me. He is guaranteed to show up with a pastor or biblical scholar. I’m open to that conversation. Nuanced dialogue with a biblical scholar would be amazing. He doesn’t want to listen to understand me though, I assume. My views undermine his whole existence. He revolves around the bible. Blah, ok it’s late. I want to watch The Boys and hopefully fall asleep after it.