Thirty in Going public

The whole ‘2020 sucks’ thing isn’t just a meme anymore. It’s objective reality.

I had a few tough bits of life this week. I think everyone on the west coast was really struggling with the smoke. It made going outside unsafe and unpleasant. No one could get any fresh air. And of course, with the pandemic, being inside (with other people) wasn’t safe either! It’s hard to live with that pervasive discomfort.

I had botox injections on Tuesday to address the pain disorder I developed after surgery. Dr. Google, and friends IRL told me botox was not a big deal. A little prick from the needle, but nothing serious. I was told it was about as painful as getting one’s eyebrows plucked.

I had some doubts about all of that, but it ended up being like 10x worse than I would have even guessed. I think it was so bad because I got the injections into my parotid gland (in the area between my ear and jaw), an area that was already tender to the touch. I got 5 injections, and by the last two I was basically sobbing in the chair.

The doctor was so unhappy he was hurting me! He literally wiped my tears away, haha. After the first one I told him he was gonna have to make conversation with me to distract me from what was happening. In general I am a big, big fan of shooting the shit with people. Sitting there with my own thoughts is like the worst case scenario. I told him about my upcoming birthday and (while crying from pain) was describing my plans to him (kayaking) and told him about how they may be cancelled due to weather and smoke. The crying must have made the whole thing sound even more pathetic, so he was immediately like “If it gets cancelled, I have kayaks! You can borrow mine! You have my number, just let me know! They’re at my parents house on the lake, my mom will probably give you cookies!”, so that was very sweet. He was adamant I take him up on it if needed.

After it was over he asked if I wanted to chill out there for awhile which was also kind of him, but I told him I’d rather just bounce, hah. He also took another look at my ugly incision/scar and reiterated that he “wouldn’t let me live like that”, haha. Still gonna wait a few months before we think about fixing it, though.

This whole botox experience has become another piece of mild medical trauma in my repertoire. I get invasive thoughts about it - definitely not panic attacks or actual flashbacks, but just really vivid memories that can keep me up at night. I know it will diminish over time. I had a stomach ache for 3-4 days afterwards, and I’m not sure if that was a physical or mental side-effect of that procedure.

Anyway, it’s now Sunday (5 days since I got it) and I have zero improvement in pain! Haha. There are only tiny studies in the literature about this treatment, but one study used two weeks as a benchmark to decide whether or not it was effective. I’m supposed to contact the doctor after a week to let him know how I’m doing, so we’ll see what he says (if it doesn’t get better by then!).

Ok, on to happier things. I had a really nice birthday! I made myself a birthday funfetti cheesecake, meaning cheesecake with sprinkles mixed in :D

The weather gods cooperated and it rained Friday night to rinse smoke from the air, and then the rain cleared for several hours on Saturday, before raining again.

I met up with friends at the beach and we picked up our kayak rentals and were out on the water for an hour. It was absolutely dreamy! It was mostly cloudy with sun peeking through, and I think around 65 degrees. We didn’t work very hard, just kinda floated around and chatted.

Afterwards, we set up a picnic on some grass near the beach, and more friends came to join us. I served cheesecake, and we ordered pizza. After a couple hours, we did end up getting rained out. But I am grateful for the few hours I got to spend with friends <3

I was pretty tired when I got home, and just relaxed on the couch listening to the rain and watching some Netflix.

I had a zoom call with other friends this morning and it was nice to catch up with that friend group, too.

Today it’s sunny and the air is clear and that feels good. I’m a bit directionless today, just hanging out. I gotta do some cleaning and get a workout in.

So. Now I am 30.