Control Freak in Current Events

I took a moment to reflect on why I am getting upset with people and I concluded the obvious. I seem to think that I can control people and the world. That’s what anxiety is, it’s about control. That’s what fear boils down to. The fear of not being in control. We are control freaks. I managed to take in a deep breath and convince myself to let it go. The control I mean. The need for it. Dear ego: we are not the centre of the world.

I heard a psychologist explain how we’re not evolved for social media. It’s a whole entity in our minds. Those dozens or hundreds of interactions are registered as one entity. That makes sense to me. I currently feel somewhat neglected and hurt that I can’t get people to interact with me or respond to me. It feels like one let down, as though I am getting ignored by a friend. I’ll have to let that go. I mean, I did quit social media for over a year and I only came back to talk politics. I don’t want to be a silent majority. My reach is not enough. I’m honestly feeling ready to just vlog. I’m not confident that it will last long, I don’t align with mainstream narratives so I will get de-platformed fast. So it can only be a hobby, not an income. Blah

I got into it with some people on YouTube, just comment sections I’m not out there yet. I’m trying to learn about this concept of everything existing as ontological mathematics, in waves and frequency and not as matter and particles. A religion, or cult, was made around it and I’m not into that part but I hear them out. Long story short, it’s a little new age in the sense that it is about waking people up to see who they really are. How they truly exist in this world. However, the founder of this cult got political recently. He implied that the revolution we are here for is the one in which we are to breakdown the patriarchy of white privilege. Like, man! I thought he was smarter than to go along with the mainstream narrative and I had no problem calling it out. His cultists came for me. I’m still going to keep up with him, I have room in my life for differences of opinion. Russel Brand is another one. He’s brilliant when it comes to spirituality but is a little naive with politics because he believes in a utopia in which all of humanity is fueled by compassion. Conservatives know that a woketopia is impossible because people are not perfectible. It will go south fast because people are inherently corrupt and evil. Just look at the leftists in the streets of America. Hyperianism is the cult I am speaking about. It’s very lefty. It’s anti-religion, it’s about full self-expression and chasing your appetites to the end of the earth. I’m not about that for myself. I want to tame my appetites so I can govern myself, that’s my version of freedom.

Anyway, I went for a long walk with Bruce last night. I am trying to be her accountability partner but also I just like being around her, she’s changing her life around and has a victor mentality and that’s the kind of people I want to be around. I inspire her and she inspires me. I pushed through my mood poisoning and get back in the kitchen today. I managed to wing it at making my energy bites pumpkin spice. I made my frozen yogurt bars, peri peri hot sauce, potato leek soup and tomorrow I am making little bun loafs to turn into bowls for my corn chowder. Also tortilla wraps and my pumpkin pie in jars situation. Blah, I also meet up with Toni this weekend to officially start apartment hunting.