Pasts and Psych Ups in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

Victoria came over last night and… man, those evenings really are just the best. Not just “yay a sexual activity” because while that kind of thing is awesome and… fuck even without an orgasm for me, sex on a semi-regular basis just feels good for the fucking soul… it is so much deeper than that. When Victoria comes over? I don’t feel an urge to reach for alcohol. When Victoria comes over? I still get shit done… like laundry, or dishes, or some kind of cleaning… because she’s cool just spending time with me without me needing to constantly entertain her. When Victoria comes over? It isn’t an either/or requirement. We can have foreplay and sex and cuddling and conversation and productive chores and everything. When Victoria comes over? It’s the best night of the week. And here’s the thing that I’ll add to that. All of that applies strictly to the One on One nights. Nights like tonight where it will be her, her husband, her best friend, and all their kids?? It isn’t the same. Obviously. But it isn’t worse. NOR, important point, IS IT AWKWARD. Like… when Remus comes over tonight? It isn’t a secret. He is 100% aware that his wife was over last night… cuddled with me, ate Mexican food with me, and had her skillful mouth on places I’m not comfortable showing to the public. In fact, if things track per normal, Remus and Victoria probably even discussed it last night. But when he and Victoria and the kids come over? No awkward. Just a shift. It isn’t my friend, my FWB, and the kids. It is “here are my friends! Welcome, welcome!” And… the lack of awkwardness I find academically fascinating. And tonight there will be bustling activity all over the house; it will likely be me and Remus mostly on kid duty as Essen and Victoria gab and catch up. And… it isn’t “practice girlfriend” time, it is “practice family time” and it is just as fun and rewarding in some ways. Though I do have to throw this out there.... I’m curious what Victoria is thinking in some ways. As far as I know, she’s happy with our arrangement and the specific parameters of our relationship. But last night she asked a probing question. She specifically asked, “What do you tell people if they ask if you’re seeing someone?” An interesting question, all things considered, eh? I told her the truth. I told her, “I tell them that I’m not. Or that I’m single. Or that I’m available. But in all honesty, it isn’t like it’s had an opportunity to come up much. Outside of you and Remus, I mostly only talk to people at work and some of them didn’t even know about Nancy and I until just this week.” She isn’t always easy to read and I didn’t see any signs of disappointment in my response. I did follow up to ask if she wanted to talk about the specific parameters of our relationship, and she declined, stating she was simply curious. And she is a fairly straight-forward woman, so I’ll take her statement at face value. But it does peak my curiosity. Wondering what she’s thinking, exactly.

In that vein… I know beggars can’t be choosers but I would still argue that everyone should have standards. I DID finally get a return message on a dating app finally. Buuuut… it went like this:
Picture says, “Give me your best pick up line”
We matched. I send “Best pick up line? Honesty. I’d love to flirt and seduce you like a romance novel; but I’m more likely to be awkward and dorky… how ‘bout a meet/cute moment instead?”
To which she said: “I love awkward! :)”
To which I said: “Then you’re certainly gonna like me! I can be confident and smooth, but in a very geeky way which probably says “awkward” lol.
To which she said: “Oh, I’m awkward, too!”

And so… like… I don’t know. I mean… yes, I could (and probably should) send some “WAYD?” or “How are you?” Or “Plans for today?” kind of follow up. But at the same time… I read those replies and just think.... I don’t know. Am I being too picky or too snobby or too choosy to think, “Those responses do NOT engender a desire to continue the conversation.” Like… am I wrong to want more from the other person on the conversation than what has currently been sent? It’s hard for me to tell which is a problem in my online dating set up. Because I get messaged back SO INFREQUENTLY that I want to make sure the FEW message conversations I have don’t fizzle out and disappear but… it’s me. I’m looking for conversation. A give and take of information or humor or at least data of some kind. Like a Tennis Game, y’know? And the replies I got there? I mean… it feels like
The picture statement serves the ball;
I lob it easily over the net;
she kind of taps it but it comes back to my side of the court;
I hit the ball a little harder, crossing to her court left side center;
and she does a small weak wristed back hand.
I’m… probably expecting too much.

Today’s work schedule should be… interesting?? I can almost PROMISE YOU a second entry today because I have a very important non-jury trial this afternoon and while I think I have a persuasive case; I’m not sure if the judge will agree that I have a legally beyond a reasonable doubt case. I’ll give you a preview:

“May it please the court, Your Honor, Defense. Today’s trial is over the matter of a charge of Reckless Use of Fireworks. The code of Iowa states that the recklessness of the use of fireworks can be determined by discovering whether that use violates any city or county ordinances. In this trial today, the State intends to establish that a number of ordinances were violated and in so doing; the Defendants have given this Court a number of reasons to consider their use of fireworks to be reckless. Did any of the fireworks that were launched that day launch from or onto any street, alley, highway, sidewalk, public way, or public ground? That’s a violation and by law, the court must convict. Were any of the individuals discharging fireworks show visible signs of intoxication? That’s a violation and by law, the court must convict. And finally, it is a requirement that, quoting Chapter 41 of Public Health and Safety, “Any person discharging a consumer fireworks device assumes all responsibility for its operation and the consequences thereof. This specifically states that no person may discharge a firework in a manner that would cause death, injury, fire, or property damage. And in the case before the court today, the State will prove that Defendant discharged fireworks in a way that showed such disregard for safety that the fireworks were bothering neighbors, were not being discharged in a careful manner, and that ultimately- the discharge of these fireworks caused a vehicle fire that, even after police and fire arrived to assist, the Defendant (demonstrating guilty conscience) attempted to prevent these public safety officials from intervening. That’s a clear violation and by law, the court must convict. The fireworks were most certainly used recklessly and by law, this court must convict.”