Huh in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

I had something I wanted to write here but then… it vanished. I suppose… I’ll just use this space to say, then, that… if we ever get on the other side of this COVID thing? And this “race to Apocalypse” thing? I just hope we learn to be more appreciative of the good things. But these days, that’s probably hoping for too much.

HA! NOPE. Just remembered what I was going to say!!

So… this isn’t news. This isn’t a surprise to anyone. I am QUITE AWARE. But do you want to know what sucks? Like… what is really honestly sincerely boiling me up a bit?

A few days ago, I noticed that one of the cabinets that I hadn’t been able to get open was now open. Obviously… Nancy. So I texted her a thank you for opening it. She responded with a You’re Welcome and a tip on how to get it open. OKAY. So she does receive my communications and IS able to respond.

Except… texts about resolving anything? Getting the finishing legal shit taken care of? ANYTHING of substance? Suddenly her fingers don’t work? Called her on the phone. Left a voice message. She can’t call me back?

I mean, again. This is all expected and not surprising. This is all… very her. Run away at top speed from dealing with anything of real, actual, legitimate substance. Fine. But… I still reserve the right to be pissed off about it. I don’t want to be this guy. I shared the last 15 years of my life with this woman… and I’m only 36 so that’s 42% of my entire life to this point. But how she’s handling shit right now? I’m starting to honestly and sincerely look forward to when I never have to deal with her again. Now… knowing her and the situation as I do… that time won’t be for many months yet. But… it’s certainly starting to sound better!

ALSO

Rather an update on my Sunday plans or at least how I feel about shit.

I’m going. I said I would and I will. But do you want to know one of the reasons this is all bullshit? So… clearly, I’m going through shit. My marriage collapsed and I work in a very emotionally laborious job so… yeah, some fucking emotional support would be appreciated. And you already know they (1) didn’t give a toss to celebrate my birthday; (2) couldn’t have cared less about keeping plans to visit me; and (3) rather shoved me in a corner and told me to stay out of the way at my mom’s birthday. SO… now that we’ve reached the point in the marriage collapse where Nancy and I can’t even maintain the veneer of civility anymore? As I go see my family, do I expect a hug? A close, supportive conversation? Or anything other than being told to “stay away, you might spread COVID”? NOPE. This is just going to be visiting family where the focus (rightly so) will be on my father (it is his birthday) but also on my brother and his business and seminary, and my niece and how school is going. Don’t talk to Chris much. His work isn’t appropriate conversation around the 7 year old and nobody wants to bring up a divorce during a celebratory occasion. So… y’know, for the sake of everyone else… just… try not to talk much, k?

Last updated September 12, 2020