A lot of things on in Journal

my mind today.
Yesterday was a family get-together with the In-Law side of the family. Mostly it was a very nice, relaxed, fun, and engaging afternoon. There was but one problem. Every time I felt like I could let down my guard and really enjoy being there, something disturbing came out of BM’s mouth or actions.
Most annoyingly, she seems to spread out all of her BS throughout the stay so that even when I think I can relax in a quiet corner in the next room to nurse my baby, she says soemthing that makes the hair rise on the back of my neck.
Her words; “Oh Son” (BM’s non-verbal, severely autistic 5yo), “who’s going to look after him? We won’t have to worry, though, (My son’s name) and his thousand cousins will take care of him. He’s got -literally!- a thousand cousins!”
I sat in the dark corner of the adjoining room in shocked silence as I nursed my baby. A surreal feeling tried to overtake me- I think it was probably a habitual remnant of my tendency to dissociate when troubling events stressed me out.

What in the Everloving Fuck? Do they- my BIL and his BM really honestly believe that they aren’t responsible for their kid for the rest of his life?! Or at the very least, for the rest of their lives?! Do they really honestly believe that they’re going to foist him off on his kid cousins to take care of like some invalid?
And, don’t get me wrong, I am all about charity. I am all about donating time, resources, energy and whatever I can spare. But to assume and somehow demand that their son’s now child-aged cousins are going to give a flying fuck about their son? Am I missing something? There is no way in hell that I will ever allow someone- anyone- to put any sort of expectation on my child. Let alone the responsibility of caring for another human being. A human being that should be the responsibility of his parents.

The next time I try to isolate in the next room to nurse- she pops into the room and makes some remark - and she has this intensely annoying way of speaking to no one in particular but the content seems almost always directed at someone or other that perhaps happens to be around- she said something like “Oh I remember breastfeeding, it was such a nice experience. Oh, I remember those days.” Literally staring off into space while speaking. I adjusted my cover and tried to think of something to say- was a reply wanted? needed? was she even speaking to me? I suddenly became aware that perhaps it was rude to not reply at all, but she was already moving away, still staring off into space.

There is so much wrong with BIL, BM and their son that it is difficult to tell the story without seeming to exaggerate.
At the dinner table, BM was agog with praise for how her son ate some macaroni. Because the kid barely eats, and what he eats is so severely limited due to his intense pickiness. MIL seemed slightly less impressed- and perhaps more concerned for his health FINALLY than over this small isolated breakthrough. “He’s so picky- do you think that had anything to do with his teeth?” referring, of course, to the fact that this poor boys’ teeth were literally rotting out of his head, EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TOOTH, a broken tooth, and that he couldn’t eat or drink because of the pain. He’d had to get every tooth filled when he was only 2 years old.
BM, of course, seemed slightly less enthusiastic to discuss that topic, but said “Oh, I’m certain that had a lot to do with it. I’m certain.”

You know, it’s really quite amazing to me that someone like BM can deny her responsibility for the health and state of her own son. With the teeth thing, it’s blaringly obvious who’s failure it was; the child cannot have been responsible. Yet she seems outright, unambiguously ignorant and uncaring of how it affected him. She still blames him for getting out of the house and running down the street by himself while she was asleep. She blames him for his fascination with running water, expecting him to use the bathroom only once or twice for their entire stay there.
She yelled at him harshly for using the bathroom 5 times, and threatened to beat him for asking to turn on the fan. Even after he came and asked her if she would help him she raised her hand as if to smack him and he flinched away. It was horrifying.
I really cannot understand her.

Her presence is highly distressing to me. I do not want to be around her.