Everything will be okay. in Since OD is shutting down....

Anyways, I was pretty stressed/down about having to pay rent when my check was still $63 short and basically working for nothing but I told them I had quit so I don’t have to pay it which leaves me money for my electric, internet, and car insurance.

I had a pretty good day and daughter was very good. She took a nap and I had my brother come sit with her so I could run to the store and then I made a really awesome dinner that was french bread pizzas, cauliflower and cheese, and egg salad. Little had popcorn for her snack too.

I’ve had a lot of shit going on the past few months and didn’t get the chance to sit down and process anything because I was always at fucking work. I honestly have a lot of resentment for how much I’ve gone through and didn’t get to feel anything because I did nothing but work and struggled to get to bedtime. I started feeling pretty depressed.

My parents are getting divorced. My brother told me a few months back but I didn’t really believe it would happen because my Mom was still at home. About 3 months ago, she started talking to me over Messenger and I went down and saw her. She has a boyfriend now and she’s been coming up here and staying with me, staying at home, and then going back down where he is. I wasn’t comfortable with everything but things have gotten a lot easier to deal with and this is the most my Mom has ever been around so I’m liking that a lot for my kid.

My Mom filed for divorce back in May and then my Dad and her turned everything in last Friday. She told him they may get back together down the road. My Dad has done a lot of crazy things since my Mom has been astray so it makes it hard to completely feel bad for him. He also lived off her for 40 years so everything is pretty stressful and confusing. I honestly feel sorry for him but then again I don’t because of his mooching off my Mom and all of us, him abusing us kids, how nasty and controlling he’s been and that’s why I never got a relationship with my little brother and my Mom was never around. He had too much his way for far too long and he’s still processing the fact that he’s not in control anymore.

I have a lot of old issues with my Dad that stem from my childhood and I’m still not over and he’s even done stuff recently that makes me glad that I haven’t had much to do with him in the past few years. I never hear from him on my birthday and stopped making effort on his until last weekend when I brought him pizza, cupcakes, ice-cream, and potato salad. I don’t get a thank you until my Mom says something. It’s just old. He’s never had manners and it’s just so frustrating. He gets pissed when people don’t make effort and doesn’t show any gratitude when someone does. Super frustrating.

I just feel so free now that I quit my job. If I would have known how great I would feel about myself quitting, I would have done it some time ago. That place was sucking my soul out faster than shit. I used to work with this one kid who always snapchatted me about how fucking toxic it was and everything he had said was exactly how I felt, I just kept it covered up with smoking, alcohol, and Red Bull. I knew that shit I was putting in my body was awful for me because of my health but I did what I had to. I just had to get through the day and get to my next day off.

There was so many days where it was hard to get up. I wasn’t happy, I was just simply existing. All I know is I will never let another job bring me down like this one did. I was so comfortable in the dysfunction that I was scared to even consider another job in fear that it would just be worse than this but I don’t know if any job could be any worse than that shit show. I don’t feel that I invested the past 7 years but merely wasted it.

Anyways, more later.