Survey and More in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

This issue always bothers the living shit out of me. I am a BIG proponent of mental health. We need a lot more services, a lot more funding, and a much better system to help out people who need and want help.

That being said… this repeated mantra I am hearing from ONE defendant’s wife is getting bloody old hat. He is constantly fighting with police, fighting with his neighbors, terrorizing his neighborhood, and behaving aggressive and violent with open disdain for the safety of others or the laws of this state. In EVERY police report, his wife is there front and center to say, “He has a brain injury. He can’t be arrested. You can’t charge him with a crime. He has a brain injury.” Part of me is truly sorry that you have to deal with this, ma’am. But if he has a brain injury that makes him a danger to himself or others… either you need to manage him better or he needs to be placed in a care facility that can manage him better. “I would never put him in a care facility!! He’s only 47, he doesn’t need anything like that!!” Well, ma’am… if he keeps shouting obscenities at people, threatening to kill them, and disobeying the laws of the state… he is going to be arrested and charged with a crime. We appreciate that you believe that can’t happen due to his brain injury, but legally- it can. Step aside, please. (Repeat until driven mad).

Next case? Dude with violent crime after violent crime starting from when he was 18 years old. Decided that he was going to control his girlfriend by repeatedly texting her violent threats, then calling saying “I will chop your fucking head off!” because she was finally sick of taking his abuse and she was trying to leave. Do you want to know the truly ugly and shitty thing here? Long history of violence… death threat on a confirmed victim of domestic abuse… I have audio proof of his threats… THE ABSOLUTE BEST I CAN DO in this case? 2 years in prison, he’ll be out in 13 months. BEST I CAN DO. Because 2 years is the maximum for that charge.

THEN… wow. Shit got busy. Phone calls and e-mails and filings and “How do I do my job” questions at me and then from me. WHOO. Wow. Then scheduling an attorney meeting for myself; then fixing my energy bill. There. NOW I’m done with the adult things. At least until 4:00

Are the shows you watch embarrassing?
I used to answer this in the affirmative. I was made to feel quite embarrassed about liking Buffy and Angel; then I was made to be quite embarrassed about liking Anime (whether Shonen, Hentai, Ecchi, or other). But these days? Honestly no. Yeah, I’m watching Fairy Tail. I’m watching Legend of Korra. I’m watching what I want to because I either feel curious, interested, or comforted by it.

Would you ever get plastic surgery?
Yes. I actually NEED a rhinoplasty someday for medical health reasons. But if I can’t beat this weight thing and/or can’t rescue my once proud and angular chin… I’d certainly consider tackling it through plastic surgery.

Do you take Cosmo sex tips seriously?
I used to! So, I haven’t admitted this to many people, but I told Victoria on Monday so may as well share here.... as a teenager, I wanted to be as close to “a perfect boyfriend, husband, and father” as possible. So I would do a BUNCH of reading on girls’ periods, sexual practices, grooming habits. I practically went Jane Goodall on the subject. Which included COSMO Sex Tips. Until I learned better.

Would you ever date a Mexican?
Shit yes! If I was attracted, interested, and we connected- hell yes!

Are you a Diet Coke addict?
Negative.

How do you take your whiskey?
Mixed, usually with Coke, Dr. Pepper, Club Soda, or Water

Do you chew on your ice cubes?
Yes.

Do you honestly consider yourself attractive?
It is SO TOUGH. Like… when I was growing up, I was super attractive but bullied. So I was attractive but built up that whole “People don’t like me” attitude. NOW? Now I am nowhere NEAR as attractive as I once was… but have to put on the brave “But I like me” face and… gah!

You’re having twins, so what’s your first reaction?
First, I’d say… what the shit? I know for a fact that they can’t be mine, I’m not spending DIME ONE until we get a paternity test!
But, in the dream world of Married, Family, Announcement– I’d say, “Identical or Fraternal? Matching set or one of each? There are so many things to go through, buy, and plan for now!”

What do you associate with the number ten?
Metrics

Have you ever felt like a stalker?
Yes. Because I’ve done that in a way. For a LONG time people seemed to never be able to feel my presence or sense when I was around. So if I was meeting up with a friend and they just happened to be walking in front of me to the meeting place… I’d just “follow them”.

Do you have a smoker’s cough?
Aw, hellllllllll no.

Is your hair naturally curly?
No, unless it grows out but even then it is more my Grandmother’s front curl or wings. Seriously, folks. If I ever get in shape… hand to God… I could cosplay Clark Kent/Superman without much work! IF I can ever do that.

Have you ever written a word down, then realized it looked really weird?
Yes. Typically any word with more than 4 syllables will ALWAYS look bizarre

Do you have a best friend named Sam?
No. Don’t even know anyone named Sam anymore. My brother’s dog before Ole was named Sam. She was crazy!

How often do you skip class?
FUNNY STORY (but not, but yes).... I never skipped class prior to College. I honestly didn’t even know how such a thing could be contemplated. I mean… it’s… class. You go to class. That’s what we DO! Then college. And I started realizing… I could be doing other things?! Like… I don’t have to sit in this lecture hall where some dude is doing little more than repeating the text book? SHIT! I’m skipping class and playing Spider-Man on the PS2, bitches!!

Do you text smiley faces a lot?
I tend to add smiley faces, tongue out, or “lol” a lot. As an attorney, I tend to worry that my text statements seem either too cold, demanding, or abrupt. So when it is to/for friends, I try to temper it so that they know I’m not saying “Johnson, I want your schedule!” but more like “What’s your schedule tonight? :)”

Do you even like texting?
Full keyboards were a GAME changer! And then, I’ll admit, Facebook Messenger becoming so popularly used? YES PLEASE! You mean to tell me that I can have an entire conversation based on what I am typing on a computer keyboard and someone can respond using their phone? YES!

Have you ever been on anti-depressants?
Yeah. Technically what I’m on now is considered an Anti-Depressant. It works as “Pain Related Depression” and “Depression Related Pain” so we put either Depression or Fibromyalgia on the diagnosis depending which one Insurance pays for.

How’s your week been?
Truly one of the stranger weeks of my adult life. A fun time with family on monday followed by an outstanding sexual experience. A productive Tuesday! And Victoria is coming over tonight, too, to watch Dr. Who. So… all things considered… a better week than I’ve had in a long, long time.

Do you like dates?
I do, damnit. Which may be the one saving grace to NOT getting positive results in Dating Apps during pandemic. Because I love dates. Going out to a restaurant or a movie or a live show or just.... doing stuff together… introducing each other to who you are through activities… appreciating each other through activities… it is all… kind of awesome.

Have you ever starved yourself?
Often just because I don’t see a point to food until my body is like, “Cut that shit out and fuel up!”

Do you got swag?
I am a middle-class white prosecutor. I am the very thing that SWAG was developed to defeat

Do you like the old 90210 or the new one better?
Didn’t really get into the first one other than as a “Look at the pretty people!” and never watched the second. Of course my favorite girls in the original? Lindsay Price, Shannen Doherty, and Gabrielle Carteris

How do your nails look right now?
Bitten down, raw, unusable, bloody in some areas

Have you ever been in detention?
So, in Middle School going through puberty, I was forgetful as FUCK. Lost things all the time. This wound me up in detention approximately two times.

Are you rude to police officers and do you know any of them by name?
Uhm, controversial topic these days especially for me. Because I know, truly, how bad it is. Honestly. I also know how we can’t do anything about it until or unless there is a massive system shift. That we aren’t going to make happen. Because the people with the power and the money benefit too strongly from the current set up.

Do you wear black to look skinnier?
I wear black when I can because I can. I miss my almost all black wardrobe.

What was or is high school like for you?
High School was like a meat grinder where they were supposed to either break you or build you. Instead, I kind of.... slipped through.

Do you look good naked?
I would have to say emphatically not.

What should you be doing right now?
Oh, preparing for hearings and trials and thinking about what may or may not happen with Victoria tonight as I don’t have any food to serve her and really should shower before she arrives but also want to make sure Nala gets a proper walk.

Have you ever been in rehab?
Nope.

Do you have any true friends?
I would sure like to hope so!

When’s the last time you had a really amazing kiss?
Monday. Definitely Monday.

Have you ever drank cough syrup to get high?
No, but I did get amazingly and epically loopy on intravenous beneadryl once!

Are you failing school?
Not in a long time!

Do you feel like a failure?
Almost constantly. About almost everything. And I wish I were making a joke or looking for sympathy or something but I’m not. This is the honest answer to the question.

Do you like the band Say Anything?
Gosh, they sound familiar… I may even have an album of theirs but… I honestly don’t remember

Do you want a significant other and will you ever admit that?
Of course I do and of course I will. Because I am a fan of love. A true, celebrate in the losing seasons, die-hard fan of love. “I’m telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven’t. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and, y’know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don’t care, because I do believe in it.”

What prescriptions do you have?
Duloxetine for the pain and then Latanoprost to deal with the side-effects of the Duloxetine

Have you ever been told you look like a chipmunk?
When I was a kid, all the time!

What does your record look like?
Like I’m either an excellent driver or have the ability through some means to keep my record clean

Do you own any cool socks?
I DO!

Have you ever been so obsessed with a book that you read it while walking?
Yes. Far too many Bantam Star Wars books

Do you look good in yellow?
Sometimes, depends on the cut and the outfit in general

Did your first love love you back?
FIRST love? No. Not at all.

What’s the stupidest name you’ve ever given a pet?
Mr. Peanut

Do you have a dumb stoner laugh?
I have never been in a position to know

Do you have nice legs?
My legs are strong and can do amazing things in the water… but they are the primary source of my pain; therefore, my enemies

Do you have scars on your wrists, or how about anywhere else?
I don’t scar. I can get stretch marks. But 98.7% of all of the things that have happened to or been done to my body that SHOULD HAVE let a scar; the scar vanished within 6 months. Only exceptions? Two cuts near my eyebrows, but 1 is almost healed entirely. And the surgery scar on my scrotum BUT I couldn’t find that recently, so that may be gone too!

Do you wear tube socks?
I do

Is Matt Damon sexy?
I want Matt Damon and Mark Whalberg to get into a Fight to the Death; winner claims title as King of Boston

Are you self-conscious about your shoulders in halter tops?
Not at all. I’m self-conscious about my BELLY in halter tops

Are you a fast typer?
Yes, apparently. Sometimes during a phone hearing, I’ll try to get some other work done but inevitably someone asks “Is someone making popcorn, can you mute your mic?” And I realize it is them talking about my typing. lol

Would you ever live in Beverly Hills?
I could see it; but I’d need to make approximately 7 times what I’m making now!

Are you good at being mean?
It depends on who you ask. I tend to go WAY out of my way to be kind, caring, compassionate, etc. But I’m the prosecutor… I’m the bad guy… of course people are going to think I’m mean.

Have you ever blacked out from being so drunk?
I… I never used to be like this. But through COVID and the Divorce and everything? It’s happening more. So I’m drinking less. Actually succeeding pretty well in that area!

Do you like clubs?
I used to hate them but enjoy them. Kind of like how you can enjoy really terrible music if the band has enough of a gimmick.

How old were you when you had your first drink?
3 years old

Would you ever marry someone named Frank?
Yeah! I mean, she was a bit of a tomboy but the only woman I ever knew named Francesca demanded to go by Frank and she was kind of hot

Do you like fedoras?
I do! Sad Face as I cannot wear one… for many reasons

Do you drink vodka straight?
I have before but vodka isn’t my jam. Clear alcohols are fine; but I’m a dark alcohol man.

Have you ever gotten a migraine?
I’ve had killer headaches, yeah. But a real honest migraine, probably never

Have you ever screamed at someone so hard your face turned red?
Not that I’ve been told but I am certain this has happened

Was your senior prom romantic?
It was not as romantic as Junior Prom and I kick myself for it. I should have convinced Aoife that her life wasn’t in danger and to just go with me and me alone.

Do you look presentable right now?
Yes as I am in a button-up short sleeve shirt and black slacks… I look like I work IT.

Have you ever been the wallflower at a party?
Yes, I have. I’m social and gregarious when I’m comfortable but there is a lot to be said for being a wallflower in a new situation

Have you ever had your ass grabbed?
Yes

Are you still a Chris Brown fan after all his shit?
Never was

Do you post things on Facebook that are personal?
I do, but nothing that is a “call out” except to myself. Like I would never post a meme of “TFW your wife doesn’t put out for 4 years” but I would post a meme of “AITA: Kicked the bard in the face for rolling nat 20 on seduce rock”