Unreasonable. in Journal

“You have unreasonable expectations and you found your out.” she responded to me when I told her that she recently violated both of my requested boundaries.
Nothing about “oh, I didn’t realize that was what you meant- can we set a clearer guide?” or “I’m so sorry that this misunderstanding hurt you. Can we talk about it?”
I want to think the best of her. I actually misread that text- purposefully- in the beginning. Thinking-she is so distraught that she can’t text right. Half expecting a correction to ping in a moment later. None came. A couple hours later, I read it again, and the meaning strikes me as judgemental, harsh. Much more like the mom I always knew growing up. The mom that never gave two fucks about how I felt. The mom who was exacting and terrifyingly callous. The mom that seemed to be waiting for an excuse to ship us off somewhere- anywhere- should we make a wrong remark.
That’s sort of a relief, you know. To see that mom come back. None of this sweet shit. So sickeningly fake. Like marzipan.

“I understand more than you know.” she said in the same text.
No, you don’t. The fact that you think you know or understand anything about me is… sad.

I’m not quite sure how to describe the feeling that I now have for my mother. It’s not grief. I was grieving for some time- for about 18 months- for the mother that I wish I could’ve had. But that is gone now, too. It’s just a sadness. I feel sorry for her. Pity. Yes; pity is what I feel.