I try in Second 1st

I was parts loader again Saturday. I don’t feel as broken as I did last week. I did almost cry though when I saw my name on the work list that morning and I did have major difficulty yesterday.... I was still up at 4 this morning....

Rolled around in bed trying to tell myself to go back to sleep. “4? Well I don’t want to shower yet so I’ve got to sleep till just before 5 so I can do Justin’s and then shower without hanging around the house in nothing and getting cold. I don’t want to put on a bathrobe and sit around.” 4:15 “You know if you get up you’ll have time to shower BEFORE Justin’s then you’ll have more time for games before 7ams and the WM pickup at 8..

Whatever.... I’d have more time if I got up at 2am too but I didn’t did I?..... I hate how my brain knows it should sleep but won’t let me.

Today.... Justin’s in just a few moments, laundry, dishes, ACNH (from the weekend), WM pickup at 8, Chiro (last one) at 10, then Rocky had said he had to work overtime today but it looks like that was cancelled? So we will take his car back down to the car guy who did identify the problem but did not fix it last week. Then.... maybe… the oil change I plan on doing Wednesday. I’d like to clear Wednesday and just spend the day reading and lazing about. We each got a new book last week and we haven’t touched them (Him the latest Jim Butcher and me the newest in the Hunger Games series I thought was over lol). I will need to finish the Dragon Lance book I was reading before I can get to the new one but I would like to spend some time making that an actual priority.

Told 2 people (who would not stop asking if I was okay) this weekend that I was “mentally unwell” and that honestly right now “work is getting the very best of me”. Both want to help but if I knew there was a way I’d tell them. We had a woman working there last year… maybe 2 now… she seemed so happy and outgoing.... had Narcolepsy and though I’d like to think she passed because she fell asleep at the wheel or something.... nope she killed herself… sucks to think that there may have been something to do.. … a dinner.... a coffee.... hanging out… that I or anyone else could have done...... so if there is a thing that I can think of that I think I need I’m for sure going to be like “HEY I NEED this”. I’m not there though.... and have no intention of getting there either.

Talked to Chyna about calorie counting. Honestly of all the things I’ve tried that’s been the most successful. However, I hate it. I eat stuff and forget or one little thing puts it way over.... and I get bored of doing it.... but I always lose a few pounds.... and when It’s clear I’m no longer doing it they come back and more. I”m so very tired of being fat. “So do something about it” yeah but I’ll do something and I have no will power and I get bored with things easily.... sigh
Whatever, Chyna (who doesn’t need to lose but does have rather large hips and boobs) also wishes to lose… so this week we are recording an average week in calories. Then Next week we will be checking with each other on the weekends.