Mourning morning in Aftermath

Day 3 of p

Today is hard. I feel sad. I’m crying I’ve been crying for hours now. Last night anyways.

My period and the stupid Mark, Jason shit. It’s crazy how much individual people can effect you so much and carry on with you for so long the wounds can feel so fresh still. I don’t really connect with it all though at the same time. I blocked a lot of it out to survive. Sometimes it’s like ok intellectually he raped me brutally. He got shot. I had to see the body. The position of how he died. I’m he’s  dead. I’m safe. He was bad. Karma. He can’t hurt me anymore. He can’t hurt anyone else anymore.

Men are terrible.  They sadists. Who hurt you for fun or indifference  after taking  a huge risk with our bodies hearts and souls and all they do is stomp all over you and gas light and abandon. Abuse. Fuck men. Better off alone without them.  Fuck people in general 2nd.

I was talking to my sister but she’s at some fucking cottage so fuck her. Im. Jealous. Not that I wanna  be with her. But to be in nature would be beautiful.

At least I have my cats. It could be worse. But it could also be better.

But it’s hard you know to ever feel fully like justified  in feeling sad when some people  have it so much worse.

I will survive.

Last updated August 09, 2020