On Top Of in Weight Loss Surgery

My sister and my fight with her - Will has also been a royal pain.

It’s all to do with his damn medical stuff. But I always get chewed out for it.

I feel so dumb. Like those dogs that always run to greet their master and then the master kicks them first thing. But the next day they still run to greet their master.

So fucking dumb sometimes.

I don’t even understand the whole issue.

Basically he gave his sleep apnea machine SD card to his job so they can see he’s been using it consistently.

I think he needs to use it 70% and when they read it he was like at 68%. He doesn’t use it ALL the time because sometimes he sleeps on the road. He could take the machine with him but it’s a hassle so he doesn’t always.

So he was pissed off that he was super close and they wouldn’t “pass him”.

So they said just use it for another week and then come back.

So he used it religiously and took it back this week. They for some reason couldn’t see the data from this week so his percentage was still at 68%.

So he calls me as he’s driving home and he’s like

I’M GONNA LOSE MY JOB
THEY ALREADY DIDN’T PASS ME ONCE AND GAVE ME AN EXTENSION
I CAN’T GET ANOTHER EXTENTION
I CAN’T DRIVE TILL I’M AT 70%
IM GONNA LOSE MONEY IF THEY MAKE ME WAIT ANOTHER WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK

So I’m like - it sucks that that happened - maybe you should use a new sd card and yes sleep with the machine another week.
You’re not gonna lose your job.
You may have to take a week off of work but we’re not living hand to mouth - you can afford it. you can try and make it fun like a staycation

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I’M NOT GETTING THE SURGERY
THE SURGERY IS GOING TO BE $10000 AND IF I DON’T WORK A WEEK I WON’T BE ABLE TO AFFORD

I don’t think you’re math is right but no one is forcing you to get the surgery

So then he calls a work friend to bitch to him

And luckily the friend said - they prob only took the percentage from 90 days - ask them for a 6 month report and you’ll pass

So he asked them for a 6 month report and he was at the right percentage. So he passed.

There was a piece of paper he had to mail. I printed the paper for him, got the envelope for him, he addressed it and then left it on the table.

So this morning I sealed it and post postage on it at work.

I then texted him when the mail person got the envelope to tell him his document was mailed.

I get home this afternoon and he isn’t home yet. When he walks in I’m all happy to see him.

He then is like, where’s the envelope?

I said The one I mailed out today?

Que fit

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I DIDN’T TELL YOU TO MAIL IT
YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED ME
THERE’S ANOTHER PAPER I NEEDED TO INCLUDE IN THE ENVELOPE
OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

So I’m like, no biggie - I’ll get you another envelope and you can mail it seperately

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT NEEDS TO GO TOGETHER

ok so I’ll print out another paper, you’ll fill out another envelope, I’ll put the TWO papers together and mail it again…

WHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY DID YOU DOOOOOOOOOO THAT
WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY DIDN’T YOU ASK ME
NOOOOOOOOOW I HAVE TO DO IT ALLLLLLLLL OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVER AGAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN

you mean sign your name on one piece of paper YOU FUCKING GIANT BABY - I wish I said

my fucking God

So you know what - I’m gonna help him out this time because it’s partially my fault for mailing it early (completely by accident cause he never told me he needed TWO papers.

After that I’m not helping him anymore.

I’m not getting involved in his paperwork anymore.

I’m not going to attempt to help him out to get bitched at.

He’s a grown fucking man.

I never ask him for a fucking thing.

You know why?

CAUSE HE NEVER WANTS TO FUCKING HELP ME.

In the past I def have asked him for help mainly with electronic things or car things and he just bitches at me for not knowing how to do it myself. Because I’m not the type of woman who knows where every wire goes or how to diagnose my own car.

Do I ever do that to him?
NO

I offer everything I can to him.

Sometimes he actually complains about the fact that I don’t ask him for anything and part of being a man is helping and providing and I don’t give him the chance.

BECAUSE HE FUCKING THROWS IT IN MY FACE HALF THE TIME.

I’m just so............

I feel like I’m angry at life. I’m angry at myself, angry at my sister, her husband, angry at Will.

I don’t even know where all of this is coming from.

I know that I kinda freak out around period time but I’ve had like a good 6 months where this weird depression anger cycle hasn’t happened and now I don’t even know if my feelings are normal or if they’re over amplified by my period

WHICH IS SO FUCKING DUMB IN ITSELF

Why do I have to be forced to lose my mind every month

I don’t even know how to help myself, I really don’t. This has been a shitty week but I don’t think the weekend is gonna solve it. Sitting on my ass in the house isn’t going to solve anything but I can’t go anywhere.

I mean I have a car and money and time but I don’t want to be around PEOPLE - I want to be in a peaceful place ALONE and there’s no where to find that.

And I know Will’s gonna wake up and he’s prob gonna want to apologize and if I don’t accept it, there will be another fight.
And if he DOESN”T apologize and goes off to work in a huff I’ll want to burn everything in this house that belongs to him.
There’s no resolution that will make me feel better.

Even now I’m racking my brain trying to think - WHERE can I escape to and I can’t think of anywhere.

I’m “working” by the way so i can’t really get up and go for like 3 hours anyway.

Maybe me and Will will divorce after surgery.

Right now me and Will are disgustingly obese. There isn’t really any other option just walking down the street.

IF we get this surgery and lose weight they’ll be a lot more temptation. A lot more people we have a chance with. A lot more people willing to take us aside and tell us how better THEY would treat us if we left our spouse.

Hell, leave our spouse - who does that anymore, we could just cheat. No one cares about being a side piece anymore.

I could fully imagine a situation like this where he leaves for work and someone looks at him the right way, a spark ignites, and maybe he decides I’m not the best choice for him anymore - now there’s so many other choices.

And maybe I’ll be relieved.

Last updated December 20, 2020