Blow up in The day to day

Why do things seem to be going pretty good where my ex and I are concerned and then BOOM, a blow up happens? He sent me a text earlier asking if I had plans for the kids on the 18th. That’s my weekend. I said we did. A co-worker is having a birthday party for her daughter. Then he asked if I had plans with them for the next day. I immediately got defensive. He had just asked for them on July 4th, which was my weekend. Mind you he only asked for them for fireworks. I agreed to let him have them that night around 8:30 so they could watch fireworks with him. But to be asking again for time on MY weekend really annoyed me. Why can’t he plan an activity for them on HIS weekends with them?

I responded to his text about the next day with kind of a smart comment. I said I don’t plan that far ahead so I wasn’t sure if we would be doing anything or not. He said they were planning a weekend at a lake and that’s why he wanted to know. I responded with why he didn’t plan for things on his weekend with them? That ticked him off because he saw it as another smart comment back. Which it was. Not going to lie. But for real. He replied they were trying to get both sets of kids together and that’s why he wasn’t scheduling it for his weekend because their dad has them on his weekend. I told them he should have led with that statement so I wouldn’t feel like he was encroaching on my time with them.

Well that just set him off. Told me I have them 24/7. He didn’t want to hear that shit. He just wants to be able to spend time with his kids. He threatened to get a lawyer tomorrow to set up a custody agreement. One where he would get custody 50/50. I responded with yes I have them most of the time. But I also work, and take them to appointments, and make dinner, clean the house, do laundry, have bath time etc, which doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for just spending time with them. That my weekends with them are for me to be able to spend time with them and relax. Told him I was doing everything by myself. Which honestly isn’t any different than when he was here. I said that I had actually planned on seeing if he wanted them a different night this week instead of Wednesday because B actually has Scouts in person.

He kind of seemed to calm down. It’s hard to know through text. Said that just because he isn’t here doesn’t mean I have to do things alone. I could ask for help. They could stay the night with him some to take things off me. He agreed to see them Tuesday instead of Wednesday. I told him that I need my time with them as much as he does. That I wasn’t trying to make this harder than it already was. That I have pretty much let him have them when he has asked for them. That I would like to be able to do things on the weekends with them too.

Honestly, it’s hard for me to give up control. Like asking him for help. I did have to ask him for help when A had to have some cavities filled because I had started back to work and couldn’t stay the whole time for his appointment. So he did it. But I am still unsure of letting them stay the night over there. I don’t want B to be more uncomfortable than he already is. He has a therapist appointment on Tuesday so I will have to talk to him about that. I will also have to see about the therapist writing something up about how visitation for B needs to go for now. How my ex has been coming over here etc., since he’s been threatening to make them go over there on his weekends and spend the night.

I guess I will be calling Legal Aid tomorrow to see where things are right now. They still aren’t holding in person clinics, but I wonder if they would hold a virtual one. I need some things to be put in writing so we aren’t arguing over them. I am feeling overwhelmed with everything again. And I don’t like it one bit.