Bigger person in The day to day

I know I’ve said this before, but I’m going to say it again. It is SO hard to continue to be the bigger person. No matter how hard it is though, I know it is the better course of action. As I am sure it annoys the piss out of the gf for me not to react to things she does. Tonight when we called so A could talk to his dad, she was standing behind him. I’ve told him that A doesn’t call to talk to her. He calls to talk to him. So why did she feel the need to stand there? It’s because she is threatened by me. My ex told her he missed his old life. Missed me, the kids, the house, the animals. She thinks if he leaves her I am just going to automatically take him back. She couldn’t be more wrong about that. There are so many things he would have to do before he could come back and even then I am positive things would never be the same.

He has had two therapy sessions now. So that’s something I guess. He’s been pushing more for B and A to come to his apartment on his weekends, instead of coming over here like B’s therapist said to do. The gf apparently told him he needed to put his foot down and make them come over there. The hell they will. Not until B’s therapist says it is okay to do. I am not putting my child’s mental well being in jeopardy because your dumb ass is threatened by me. I have offered time and again to leave when he comes over to visit the kids so he can have his time by himself. Last weekend I went to the grocery while he was here. If this issue gets pushed then I will have to have B’s therapist write something up. I need to contact Legal Aid and see where things are right now. With COVID still being an issue I imagine they still aren’t holding divorce clinics. Which is both frustrating and relieving at the same time. I want it to be over, but I also want to make sure we will be okay. Health insurance for me since he won’t have to cover me. And the house being able to be switched in my name. None of that I will know until I go through the process I suppose.

At any rate, the gf should feel threatened. But by him. Because of what he did to me. I’m sure it’s a fear in the back of her head that he will do it to her. And honestly, I wish he would. Not so he can get back with me. Just because he needs to not be with anybody for a while. She will always be a problem for me. Not ever going to be able to look at her and think “Oh, she’s lovely. Let’s be besties.” I know I should have resentment for him too. I do. But for the sake of our kids I push it way down. He will forever be their dad so I have to be able to interact with him. I don’t however, have to have any contact with her.

In other news, my work opened back up on the 15th of June. It’s been an adjustment for sure. Our owners had gotten PPP money but that only lasted through this week. So now we have to enroll more kids but stay within the new guidelines so the business can hopefully stay afloat. I actually think things will get shut down again with how things are going everywhere. People here are barely wearing masks when they go out. I feel like a pariah when I go out because it’s just me and the elderly with masks on. I have to wear a mask all day at work, so you fuckers without a mask on can deal with it for 30 minutes at the store.

Anyway, rant over. I just had to get that out about the gf and not saying anything. I was so close tonight to saying “Why the fuck is she standing there?” during the call but I didn’t. I did however hold my finger over her face while A talked to his dad. A didn’t even question it. I am so petty.