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I have been too attached to politics. I need to get back to focusing on things that give me health. I’ll find a balance, I’m not worried about that. I spent most of my day outside yesterday. Listening to my Guru and spiritual leaders. Listening to Indias version of Gospel music. I was sifting through my entire history of PB entries trying to find one that had lyrics to a song that was written about the Mahabharata. I want to find that song. The lyrics remind me of everything that is going on right now in the world.

I spent an hour talking with our neighbour Tim about his garden and then about politics. He recommended a book to me that is about a fur trader Pierre-Esprit Radisson. It depicts the wars between first nations people. There was no utopia here when Columbas came to the Americas. We were at war with each other, genocidal, enslaving each other, cannibalizing and sacrificing children, hunting species into extinction etc, killing and torturing white men for the colour of their skin etc. The way Tim explained Radisson to me reminded me of Marco Polo.

As I was sifting through my old entries, I didn’t feel like I could relate to them. I really do feel like a whole different person. For better or for worse. The one entry that stuck out was the one where I said that I felt like I was on the brink of either a breakdown or a breakthrough. I think I had the breakthrough. Not overnight but of course, I still have a long way to go. I need to work on my nerve. I have accidentally trained myself to be afraid… of everything. I have externalized all of my fears and I need to correct that.