Unpopular in Current Events

Hetal called me yesterday. She’s back from being stuck in India and she is so confused about why people are rioting. I filled her in and then I wanted to hear about what is going on in India with China. The US has been sending in military and fighter jets and I can’t shake the feeling that the world is about to be at war with each other. 25 million Nigerians that had food insecurity just recently ran out of food completely. Can we handle another refugee crisis? Why is my prime minister helping to make China great again? I can’t think straight today.

I have a headache and I am a little woozy. I think I’m going to have a panic attack later today. I have the house to myself this weekend and I had my day planned out to celebrate and nothing is going according to plan. My hair removal cream did not perform well. This headache is not letting me do cardio. TMI but I’m unable to have a proper orgasm let alone my tantric full body ones. I’m just sitting outside drinking my water ACV mix trying to collect myself. I think I’m unable to attach to the things I use to escape from working toward my goals for a reason? Maybe? If I want to believe that I’m being spiritually guided I can take this as a sign.

My incoming friend requests on Facebook have been picking up and I’m starting to get nervous because I have all of my unpopular political views on there. I’m intolerant of intolerance and this is just my little way of retaliating the authoritarian left and their censorship of free speech and opposing diversity of opinion. It’s not strangers that are adding me but people from what feels like another lifetime. Not even the people that I thought would add me. Straight white males. Yesterday old acquaintances that are LGBT started adding me and I’m nervous because I don’t hide my opinions that don’t align perfectly with LGBT interests. I haven’t accepted their requests yet because I’m not ready to handle a scandal.

I haven’t even fully developed any full bodied opinions about LGBT issues yet anyway. I’m gay but I don’t agree that we should be using government to force christians to go against their conscience. I don’t agree to believe that there are more than two genders but I accept that people want to express their gender differently and I’m all for that until it starts to undermine other spaces and identities. I don’t like our brand of being hyper sexualized. I don’t like the blatant misogyny within our community. I’m being bratty and whiny here but that’s just where I stand. Maybe even hypocritical. I’m not perfect and I love myself that. That’s what makes a whole person. I just haven’t explored my ideas here within the LGBT yet. I’m more of an outsider looking in.

I suppose I should try and meditate while I have peace and quiet. Then find some courage to stop creating distance between me and my goals.