Updates & Stress in Life Of I 2014

So I haven't exactly fallen into a habit of using this place. I know it's been awhile since OD closed down but this place still isn't much like home to me. Here I go though!

So Emelyse (my daughter) will be two on Easter. Valkyrie wants to have another baby. Emelyse is still drastically behind. Shit! I just remembered this is a new site so a lot of people may not know the deal with her. So here's a quick run down about my daughter. My daughter was born 3 and a half months premature and she weighed 15oz. when she was born. She has a shunt in her brain because she had brain bleeds and now the fluid in her brain will build up up she doesn't have it. Since she was born she has had two brain surgeries and a heart surgery. She has been in the hospital for Pneumonia at least 3 times. Occasionally she just decided she doesn't want to eat and has to be hospitalized for dehydration. She has seizures. She has been diagnosed with 3 different issues in her brain one being PVL which is Periventricular Leukomalacia which is where white matter in her brain is literally dying causing her to lose control of her muscles. She also has Lennox-Gastaut Syndrome which is a severe form of epilepsy. Which causes tonic (stiffening of the body, upward deviation of the eyes, dilation of the pupils, and altered respiratory patterns), atonic (brief loss of muscle tone and consciousness, causing abrupt falls), atypical absence (staring spells), and myoclonic (sudden muscle jerks). And the worst diagnosis she has gotten which even to this day tears me up inside to read is Epileptic Encephalopathy or EE for short. Epileptic encephalopathies are often cited as catastrophic epilepsies, which as the name “catastrophic” implies (catastrophy in Greek means disaster), they are invariably associated with significant neurological morbidity and often early death.

That last part always gets me right in the fucking heart.

Anyway.

Valkyrie (My Wife) wants to have another baby. we spent 4 and a half months going in and out of that hospital. And the feeling of leaving without our child was just detrimental. It was one of the worst thing I have ever endured. But in the fact that my daughter get to come home I regained my belief in god. I told her I wasn't ready because I did not want to go through it all again. You are 60% more likely to have another premature baby after you've had one before. I just can't deal with that right now. I can't. Specially since chances are Emelyse will die young. It's just a lot to handle.