on the ex front in My ex.

um so. I haven't talked to my ex since sept. of this yr. [not the calander yr. the school yr. that's what I mean when I say 'this yr.' from sept. - may. so I mean sept. 2013].

For those uninformed my ex was. um. verbally abusive a few times. that's not why we broke up. [no since then everyone would know that's why and i didn't and still don't want that since i'm a v. private person]. no we mutually broke up cause he didn't have time for me. a yr. and almost 2 months ago.

I haven't heard from him and I haven't contacted him since like I said Sept. ya know. but I wonder if he didn't care all that much about me when we broke up. he didn't even try to stay together [well ok neither did I, so] he didn't want it. I mean that's one way to think of it. like yeah 'so i'm going to be selfish here and not work things out and not put you through more of this'. no it's like he didn't care enough to work things out. or else he would've. and right before valentine's day? really? it's a little more ok to break up w/ someone right before any other holiday unless it's a: their/your birthday and/or 2: an anniversary.

so ok. taking the side of 'if he didn't care' then. all that time we were together was. well he didn't lie to me [since my definition of lying is different from other people's i'm finding] he just didn't tell me straightaway he didn't care. and I get why I've done the same thing.

I really don't know. but and ya know. he's both. he's the guy who verbally abused me and actually threatened me [a threat to me is someone going 'ok if you don't stop what you're doing this is what's going to happen'. it's not 'ok so this is what's going to happen'. no that's a plan which is different]. oh. and he's also. my ex. and I don't like it when people talk not nice [cause I hate labeling anything as 'bad'] about abusive people.

I didn't stay w/ my ex cause I thought I could change him. No that's not why. no I stayed w/ him cause I didn't want anyone finding out. also since it only happened a few times to me that didn't render it big enough to be told. i'm not saying I shouldn't've told someone. i'm stating why I didn't. well actually no i'm not. er.......that's not what I meant....

um so. I don't know if he thinks of me if he wonders about me or not. if he's found someone else if he's casually dating. I don't know what's happening and part of that is yeah. i'm still scared of him. and most people offline won't know that. cause then it'll become this whole big thing.

but, ya know. they say in those situations the best thing you can do is distance yourself from that person. but what they don't tell you is A: easier said than done and 2: not everyone does that.