4 of swords in Weight Loss Surgery

So I picked the 4 of swords tarot card. The Buffalo Abundant Universe card. And the “Near Future” Angel answer card.

The 4 of swords is showing the inside of a church? There is a stained glass window that I think shows Jesus giving the Eucharist to someone kneeling. On the purple wall hang 3 swords, and the 4th sword is on the side of a golden coffin with a statue of a knight on the top.

I know to get a card with a coffin on it may seem morbid but the feel I get off of it is a more “rest” kind of vibe.

The book says the same thing, like a rest after battle but not denoting death even though it looks like a coffin to me lol.

The book notes that this could be a card for someone who feels like there isn’t enough time for everything they need to do, so they’re rushing around, forcing the plan. But there is time, so they should take a break and rest. It promotes meditation.

I can defineately see myself as that person. I’m SOOOO impatient. But also, I was thinking about the fact that I always take on more than I want. I have no healthy boundaries when someone asks me for something. Especially in work. If I’m getting paid I feel like I owe that person / company my entire day.

And it’s not like I don’t take days off, or like Friday where I just hid the fact that I didn’t work at all. But that made me feel guilty and I HAD to work on Saturday to make up for it. Even though nobody knew.

I know that also comes from low self worth, and a lot of that low confidence is connected to my weight. I live in fear of angering someone cause I know they could go straight to the gut punch of making a comment about my weight.

In a professional setting that’s highly unlikely, but I know they’re thinking it.
If I wasn’t fat anymore, they couldn’t think those things about me, or gut punch me with a nasty comment. It would help with my confidence and therefore help me balance my work / home life.

My angel card says “In the Near Future” which I can only hope means I’ll be getting the surgery soon. My first doc appointment is in a few days! But I haven’t really got concrete answers from others about how long the appointment is and what we’ll talk about.

All I know is I have to get some procedure code from the office to give to my insurance so they can guesstimate how much the bill will be if I’m approved for surgery. I hope I can meet all the requirements for it to be completely covered.

For the animal spirit card I got Buffalo , which says “the abundant universe will provide”.
So if they’re talking monetarily, I’m set. But I guess abundance can mean anything and everything.

The book talks about the Buffalo being a symbol of abundance because in Native American times the herds were abundant and the people used every stitch of them and were very grateful.

There is plenty to go around. I guess money, time, energy, resources, etc. I don’t need to worry. I need to be thankful for all I have and all that is coming.

I am - and I will be. I fantasize about the moment I’ll wake up from surgery. That should be like my birthday. That is the first day of my new life. I dream of the day that me and Will experience our big weight losses - like 10lbs a week - not feeling hungry and just melting out of our obese clothes forever and being happier with each other because of it.

I don’t plan to fuck up this body again. I’ll do the liquid diet, I’ll manage my calories, I’ll exercise, and I won’t treat this body like a garbage dump for my negative emotions.

If I could do it tomorrow, I would.

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Well today certainly was a day a rest because my stomach turned on me and I dunno why. The only new thing in my system is protein shakes. I started them this Friday. I’ve never had a problem with protein shakes before…? This is a new brand for me but still, not sure why it would give me gas and diarrhea.

Last updated December 20, 2020