The Contrast of Personalities in Life

I think one of the biggest problems that Pam and I encounter in our relationship is that we have very different ways of dealing with problems. And when that’s the biggest thing that’s creating a rift, I think that’s a pretty good position.

She’s shown great improvement over the past couple of days in this matter but still I want to write about it so that I can unpack it and move on.

I… am not a patient man. Shocking I know! But when I see a problem I think of a way to solve it and I want to take the steps to solve it as quickly as time allows. My chair is broken, time to look up the cost of a new chair, or part, or warranty and then budget or whatever else needs to be done.

Where as Pam encounters a problem and she wants to give it time to see if it will solve itself. Or, she doesn’t want to trouble people with her problem so she ignores it until it can’t be ignored (Probably due in part to her childhood trauma)

That… Contrast… really creates a clash between us and I want her to get better at dealing with problems because I don’t want to hold her hand through life. As she is a woman and we have a daughter, she’s going to be the main role model (right? - legit asking) and I don’t want our daughter to look up to her and think that if she ignores her problems someone else will come along and solve it for her or tell her what direction to go in.

I think that’s a lot of what bothers me. We’re beyond conventional sort of role models to others. We’re role models to our own. So a lot of what I do, I think of how Elly will take it in stride as she grows up. My biggest fear is that one day she’ll ask things like “how come Mommy never vaccuums” or “Why is mommy always on her phone” or something like that. Kids are scathing man. Some of the questions my Niece asked me about her (alcoholic) mother when she was younger. Woof. They were hard hitting questions. Granted Pam is no where near as degenerative as an Alcoholic but Elly already watches everything we do and as she expresses herself more, I’m worried her questions will end up with me having to soften the blow.

A lot of the reason I’m forcing myself into being more physically active these days is so that Elly doesn’t ask why we can’t keep up with her.