Twitter Sized: The Honest Truth in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

Perhaps I’ve shared this here in this exact way before. I don’t know. That can be the problem with using the emotional side of my mind. My logic remembers the patterns, makes me a good lawyer. My emotion creates temporary moments, makes me a good actor. I… uh… I don’t do so well combining them all the time. That’s another reason (of many) why my Jury Trial record is… spotty. Granted I haven’t done many and I am battling (technically) better than 50% but… spotty. SO… I may have said this before. But I need to say it again. While I am in my current mindset. Because… for some reason… it feels more honest? It feels more… epiphany? I don’t know.

I am not upset by Nancy’s success on Tinder. I am upset about my failures on Tinder. (And please… don’t start being a bitch or critical about this just let me share this statement). I am not upset about Nancy’s success because it confirms my suspicions, beliefs, and perspective. Nancy is an attractive woman with a lot to offer (if she just got over some of her shit). Her Tinder success is one method in which I am proven right. I saw something special in her and other people see it, too. I am right. Conversely, I am upset about my failures on Tinder. Nancy spent our relationship rejecting me. My Tinder failures are one method in which she is proven right. She felt that I was in someway not enough for her and other people see it, too. She is right.

So… saying it that way… I don’t know. MAYBE my perspective will make more sense to people? In that… a woman I found beautiful and loved (and married) rejected me… I would like to be attractive to women I find beautiful. TELLING ME THAT I AM WRONG FOR WANTING TO BE ATTRACTIVE TO PEOPLE I AM ATTRACTED TO HURTS. Because, in a way,you are telling me that Nancy was right the whole time. That I am in some way a bad person or a fool for wanting to be attractive to people I find attractive. Thus Nancy was right for rejecting me. And guess what? The idea that my wife was right for rejecting me and that I deserve to be rejected? Kind of mean. Especially if you’ve been reading me long enough to know who I am and how hard I worked to make my marriage work.

Truth told? I do still find my wife physically attractive. I would still fuck her if that was an option (it isn’t… she’s been so successful on Tinder that she doesn’t want to do anything that would upset her would be suitors). Here’s some more truths… there are women (internet, Tinder, TV) that many would consider “less than beautiful” or “too heavy” or even “too old” that I honestly find attractive. Shit… for those thinking I only swipe “for hotties”… I saw a profile today that was nothing but Fan Made Anime Drawings… you bet your fucking ass I said yes there! I don’t know or care what that person looks like, I at least want to have a conversation with this person. But what sits with me? A woman who knew me intimately… the first AND ONLY WOMAN that I have had sex with… decided that after we got married… I wasn’t worth it. I wasn’t worth her effort. I wasn’t worth having an active sexual or romantic relationship with. So… hey, here’s a thought. MAYBE after a marriage like that… I want to be attractive to women I find attractive. So look upon these images of my friends intermixed with tinder profile pictures… all of which are people I find attractive… and tell me… tell me I’m wrong for wanting people like this to maybe, perhaps find me attractive in kind:

Last updated May 24, 2020