Boo in Current Events

Here are a few things that I could be doing during these strange times but can’t bring myself to do:
-I have a pile of books that I want to read
-I have a queue of audiobooks that I want to finish
-I could take an online course on writing
-I could start writing my novel
-I could start practicing basic calisthenic exercises
-I could research the various online courses to become a nutritionist
-I could take an online course on how to start investing
-I have a pile of unfinished paintings that I could finish
-I have two guitars that I could continue learning how to play

Nobody is truly bored & lazy these days. We have constant entertainment. We are just afraid. So one of my online motivational speakers likes to say. What am I afraid of? Well, my monkey brain is too restless to get through my books and audiobooks. One of the books I am trying to read is the Bhagavad Gita and I feel stupid when I read it. It took me an hour to get through 35 pages and not because of my monkey brain but because it is a higher reading level than I am used to. Online courses are or were free during this quarantine and I could learn some stuff but I suppose that I am afraid that I will feel even more stupid. I’m afraid of going back to school in general because I haven’t done school in fifteen years. I’m scared of failing. As for writing my novel? I am deeply insecure about my writing skills. It takes me forever to get through a paragraph because I can’t bring myself to just it flow out of me. I have to go back and try and get everything perfect. My paintings never turn out the way I want them to so I immediately feel dread. I’ve forgotten almost everything when it comes to my guitar so I dunno. The callisthenics? I’m weak. So fucking weak. Ok, it’s not that bad but bodyweight exercises are so fucking hard.

It’s like, I know absolutely everything is a skill and all I need to do is practice. I guess I hate feeling stupid? Blah. I think what I really should do is learn how to tame this monkey brain of mine. It’s one rude bitch. Anyways, it’s another fine day in quarantine. I should go do something with my life